New Life. Dreams. Living?
by Zerohour
Summary: Shinji wakes up one morning to a pleasant day, Asuka's screaming, and to . . . Mother and Father, together. But something feels strange about this place . . . a story of Instrumentality. Please R&R...
1. Evangelion Fan Fiction Episode 1: Incohe...

Disclaimer: Shin Seki Evangelion (English title: Neon Genesis Evangelion), all the characters in the anime, and anything else associated with it is the property of Gainax studio, and Hideki Anno. This story is for entertainment purpose only. It is for non-profit.  
  
Eva Fanfic Episode 1: Incohesiveness.  
  
2nd day of Shinji's new school year.  
  
Ring…ring…the sound of the alarm rang in his ears, as he slowly flipped his body away from the annoying sound.  
  
"Oh, let me sleep a little more…please. I need it." Shinji mumbled. "I need my sleep, my life depends on it." He pulled the comforter over his head, his body curled back to the fetal position it was in.  
  
"Oh whiny, are we?" The loud, insistent voice came as sudden as the alarm's ringing itself, as the door to Shinji's bedroom swung wide open; Shinji flipped his body facing the door, but his eyes remain closed. A girl rushed in, she got next to his bed faster then her voice to his ear. Her hands were already on his comforter. The thermometer pointed to 29 degrees C.  
  
"Now get up, ya lazy pupil!" She grabbed for the comforter, and made the mistake of pulling it far away from Shinji. She gasped, and instantly, her body became rigid. Oh no, she thought, I forgot that the same damned thing happened yesterday! How stupid of me!  
  
Shinji's member stood attention; it was pointing at her.  
  
"Huh, what did you say, mother?" Shinji mumbled. His eyes was half opened, half closed, his hair was sticking up all over the place. "Did you call me, 'pilot'? What's a pilot?" Shinji yawned the sentences out, his breath smelled like the fried tofu he had last night. Because the window was wide open, the wind sent the unpleasant smell towards Asuka's already beet-red face. Shinji sat up; his member was sticking up through the pants of his pajamas. It pointed straight at her.  
  
"You…you…you!!!" Asuka screamed, "PERVERT!!!" She struck Shinji's face; her hand was faster than her words. The impact snapped Shinji's face sideways, as his body slammed awkwardly into the window.  
  
Asuka was gone before Shinji slammed into the window. She left Shinji with a glimpse of the trail of her fiery red hair in the air.  
  
After a couple of minutes, Shinji slowly walked downstairs, with Asuka's hand print still fresh on his face, just like yesterday, when Asuka first slapped him. Without pausing to greet his parents, Shinji shifted his body slowly towards Asuka, who was standing by the door.  
  
"Shinji-kun, aren't you going to have some breakfast before you go?" said Shinji's ever so helpful mom Yui, with a warm voice. Shinji's father, Gendo, with his head buried in the paper, mumbled something that resembles an agreement, or maybe something about the headlines. The sound of TV from the living room reached Shinji as he lazily opened the front door; the tail end of the morning news was on. As the bright and hot sunlight streamed into the living room, Shinji simply waved goodbye, "We are going." he said before he shuffled out of the door. Asuka waved enthusiastically, "Thank you for the French toast! We are going! See you later!" She was gone before her voice had trailed off.  
  
Shinji caught the image on the TV before the door slammed shut after him – it was a giant-sized robot standing in some factory, with…a weird helmet. He thought to himself. "That looks like fun. More fun than school, that's for sure." Shinji mumbled sourly.  
  
"What did you say, Shinji? Asuka turned towards to Shinji; their faces were almost touching.  
  
"Whoa…I mean," Shinji said, he drew back from her, "nothing, I didn't say anything at all. Why do you ask?" He turned his face half away from her, "Mind your own business sometimes, ok?"  
  
Asuka stared at him for a moment, almost ran into another student. Then she said loudly: "You are such an idiot, you know that? Do you understand why I was asking you about what you said?" She paused; Shinji did not bother to look at her at all. "Are you listening to me?" Shinji nodded, but stared straight ahead without saying a word. Asuka stared at Shinji again, but he kept his eyes looking straight ahead. She threw her arms up. "Oh man, I just don't get you sometimes, I give up." As soon as she put her arms down, she rushed a few steps in front of him, turned her head, stuck out her tongue at Shinji, and quickly turned her head towards the road in front of her. Then she marched forward, arms swung up and down like a soldier.  
  
Shinji looked up when the two of them passed under a billboard. The billboard showed some men and women wearing some tan uniform, saluting something in the distance; the lady in the middle was in her late 20's or early 30's, with blue-ish, flowing locks of hair, big, child-like eyes, a cute nose, nice warm smile, and a fit but slim figure. She is the only person in the group wearing a black skirt and a red jacket. The cross on her chest screamed for attention. It looked really out of place, Shinji thought. Why he didn't know. "She sure is cute." Shinji said in a low voice.  
  
"Did you say I was cute?" Asuka turned, and asked. Her eyes searched Shinji's face. He kept looking at the road. She waited, after a long moment of silence, she sighed, and turned toward the road again.  
  
A light blue haired girl was charging at Shinji, as he and Asuka turned the corner. When Shinji tore his eyes away from that woman on the billboard, and stared at the road again, it was too late for him to get out of her way; the girl's whole body had already met his chest. But since the two of them were about the same height, their foreheads also met each other at about the same time.  
  
"Ow ow ow ow ow ow…this hurts!" moaned the girl. She was holding her forehead. Her butt fell hard on the pavement; her skirt-covered legs were wide open.  
  
"Man, what's your problem? Watch where you are going when you walk!" Shinji tried his best to yell at her, but that wasn't easy considering how much a weakling he was, and the pain to his forehead was unbearable to him. Instead, his voice came out as a loud grumble. Then, he noticed something white between her legs. He swallowed hard. Her panties were accidentally showing.  
  
The girl apologized profusely, as she started to get on her feet, then she noticed Shinji's gaze at her panties. A look of astonishment and embarrassment erupted on her face, as she quickly covered her crotch, and stood up faster then Shinji can say: " sorry, I didn't meant to look!" She was already a few feet away from him; she quickly turned and ran toward school.  
  
As other junior high schoolers giggled and laughed amongst themselves, looked and pointed at Shinji and Asuka, Asuka waltzed on triumphantly into the classroom. She was holding her bag in one hand, her other hand was dragging Shinji by his left ear. Shinji stumbled after her into the room.  
  
The wooden chairs with somewhat uncomfortable backs lined up neatly with the wooden tables, which had many scratches and kanji carved in them by other students. Shinji's table has no words or scratch marks on it. Asuka's table on the other hand, has names, scratches, and some Japanese "wood prints" on it, mostly done by Asuka.  
  
"Can you let go please? Asuka, come on!" Shinji whined, and begged, like a 5 year old asking for candy before sleep. "This is so embarrassing!"  
  
"Well," Asuka turned to Shinji, she thought for a moment, her face frowned, and then she said with a sneer: "this is for you being a PERVERT AGAIN! Looking at that girl's white panties!" Asuka shook her head in mild disgust, her right hand still got Shinji's left ear. "You are so stupid and perverted and sick, you know that? You sneaky coward!" She snorted. A girl with two ponytails approached them; she was the class representative, Hikari. She stood akimbo, and said disapprovingly: "You guys better stop before the teacher gets here!" She lifted her chin and said: "Now cut it out!"  
  
Asuka's eyes got bigger than rice balls as she stared at Hikari. She let go of poor Shinji's ear, and retorted: "Hey, mind your own business! I don't need you, and I don't need this! You Japanese are so strange, don't you guys ever have fun with your classmates?"  
  
Hikari stood there, thought to herself: "this girl is unbelievable!" Then she walked away in dignified disgust. "I must've done something to deserve this. Ugh." Then as if she remembered something, she turned around, and stuck her tongue out at Asuka, forgotten her dignity as the class rep.  
  
"Uh-hum" the throat clearing sound entered the classroom before the teacher did. As the startled class rep rushed to the front row of the chairs to find her seat, Asuka stuck her tongue far out of her mouth; she had not a care about the teacher.  
  
Shinji, who had rubbed his left ear to relive the pain, shook his head, and held his forehead. "Ugh…she's always like that…even in front of the teacher." Shinji muttered, with some amusement. Of course, all these are just so familiar to him. Everyday, Shinji and Asuka went through the same routine: 7:00 AM, Shinji's alarm goes off, Shinji turns away from it, curls up with the cover pulled over his head for more sleep, 7:30 AM, Shinji's mom, Yui, goes up to his room and tries to wake him, only to walk away in frustration, as the need to prepare breakfast for Shinji's father, Gendo, becomes a nagging priority. 7:45 AM, Soryu Asuka Langley, Shinji's best friend since childhood, comes over to Shinji's house and rushes through the door like a hurricane, then rushes upstairs before Yui can ask her for to join them for breakfast (Gendo wouldn't say anything much beyond a simple muttering of "hi", having his head buried in the newspaper before heading to work). There would be about 5 seconds of silence in the whole house, except for the TV, if it is on. But after the welcoming silence is over, the sudden explosion of the girl screaming, Shinji's things crashing, and the boy yelping in pain can be heard even from a mile away. 7:50, Shinji shuffles out of the door, unwillingly, more bothered by Asuka's enthusiastic attitude than going to school itself. 8:05, both Shinji and Asuka arrivals 5 minutes late to school.  
  
Shinji sighed to himself, stood up with the rest of the class to salute the teacher, felt kind of dizzy, remembered that once again, he forgot breakfast. "Oh well, at least there will be lunch." He thought to himself. At least that may help brighten his day in school…  
  
Uh…wait…Shinji, looked into his backpack after he sat down, and searched for a moment, only to come up with frustration, at the fact that he has forgotten to bring his lunch. Again.  
  
It has became almost a routine for him to have to eat with Asuka everyday, because he never wakes up on time, he always forgets to take his lunch with him to school. The thought of eating with that pushy, pompous, over-confident girl of half German blood, with flaming red hair and loud voice, really drove him nuts. Now how the hell did we become friends? Shinji mused to himself. Since we were…hmm, I can't seem to remember when we became friends…Shinji continued to think it over with his head down…unaware that the teacher was noticing his absent mindedness. Having called his name 3 times, Mr. Takeda was starting to get really angry over Shinji's unresponsiveness.  
  
Shinji ignored Asuka's frantic hand gestures, and the class rep's demanding gaze, and pondered on, with a dreamlike gaze toward the window: "well, I think I met her during the first grade…no, I think earlier than that, kindergarten maybe? No, I think when we were 4…that's not right either…I kind of having this feeling as if we'd just met yesterday…"  
  
"IKARI-KUN!" A loud boom of voice violently snapped Shinji out of his thoughts. Startled, he stood up, knocked over the table in the process, yelled: "Ye…yes…I…am here, the answer is Hokkaido!"  
  
The sound of his voice startled him. Did he just yell? Somehow, that seemed odd to him.  
  
"Ah…yes, indeed," the teacher said sarcastically, "Now we can see that you are wide awake, and ready for some learning…and ready to meet the new member of our class." Over the sound of the whole class' laughter and jeers, Shinji saw Asuka's hand covered over her face in slightly frustrated resignation of the situation. "Idiot…what a idiot!" Said Asuka, then she joined the rest of the class, and laughed maniacally at Shinji. This had became a routine as well – Shinji would get absent minded, teacher would scold him lightly, and the whole class would just laugh it all up. All in a harmless fun.  
  
With face beet red, Shinji sat down, head lowered. He just didn't care about what people thought of him; actually, he didn't care about people that much. But hey, at least most people wouldn't bother him as much as Asuka would. She seemed to have taken delight in picking on him and make fun of him from time to time, which embarrassed him a lot. She liked to call him names, but her favorite name for him was the "Big Idiot." Shinji never reacted with anger or defiant annoyance towards her, however. He mostly just protested mildly, or ignores her totally.  
  
It was hard to ignore her right then, as she leaned over from her side, and whispered to Shinji: "I think, Mr. Idiot, this time you've really made yourself out to be a class joke. How embarrassing!" She laughed out aloud.  
  
"Oh, what do you know about it!" Shinji protested weakly. This is how I normally react to her, he thought.  
  
Neither of them was aware of the light blue haired girl who had walked into classroom. She was standing in front of the chalkboard, facing the rowdy crowd of 15 year olds. She's got a big smile and a bright attitude. Her uniform was completely spotless, and shiny, which was unusual, considering the fabric was plain cotton, without any shiny materials such as rayon mixed in. Her skirt was noticeably shorter then knee high, again unusual, because the regulation dictated that skirts in the summer have to reach below the knees, half way between the knees and the ankles. Her book bag was rather large for her 5"4' frame. The word 'Nerv' was inscribed on the front of the bag.  
  
Over the class rep's loud admonishing about possible punishments for people who wouldn't shut up, the teacher cleared his throat, "Ok, class, now quiet down! Like I said before, I am going to introduce a new member to our class." He took the blue haired girl to the very center of the front of the board, and waved a hand toward her: "Class, this is Ayanami Rei. Ayanami, introduce yourself to the class."  
  
With a calm and somewhat cool smile, she cleared her throat, but just when she was about to speak, a loud tire screeching came suddenly from the parking lot.  
  
Almost as soon as the sound reached the boys' ears, Shinji, Toji, and Kensuke, along with rest of the boys, rushed to the window, yanked the window up, and pokes their heads out of the rather small window. "Ugh, come on guys, get off!" Kensuke complained loudly, "let me get a shot of her!" he had pulled out a camcorder from nowhere.  
  
"No way, buddy boy, this view is all mine!" Toji yelled and grunted. He tried to push both Shinji and Kensuke away from the window.  
  
"Hmmm…mmmm…. let me see her, too!" Shinji grumbled. The three of them had all six eyes fixated on the 'winged' Porsche 911 that had skid itself into the parking spot.  
  
All the boys 'ah' ed and 'ooh' ed when the door opened. A very beautiful pair of legs appeared in between the door and the drivers' seat. Then, almost as soon as the car gracefully came to a stop, a young woman stepped out of the car.  
  
"It's her! IT IS HER! She's from the billboard!" Kensuke said, excitedly and breathlessly.  
  
"Oh shut up you idiot, no one comes out of a billboard, she is for real!" Toji shouted.  
  
"Oh wow, she's hot!" said Shinji: "That's Ms. Misato! Out hot new gym teacher!" a big flow of blood to his face, as his heart pounded rapidly.  
  
Both his buddies stared at him as he commented. With an eyebrow cocked, Kensuke looks at Shinji with a rather intrigued look: "You know her by first name? Are you guys on first name basis? Now how did that come to be?"  
  
Toji almost yelled Shinji's ears off: "What, you know her name? No way! There is just no fucking way that you would know her before I do! I am the lady-killer in this class! You shrimp!"  
  
Shinji protested: "Shrimp! Who are you calling shrimp? Damn it Toji, I am telling you her name is Misato! Katsuragi Misato, of Nerv, that big company that sells everything from the digital camcorder that Kensuke is holding to the ugly sneakers that you are wearing! It is her!"  
  
"Ok," said patiently Kensuke; "if she's from Nerv, then why would she be our new gym teacher?" he stared at Shinji intensely.  
  
"Yeah, man, tell me, tell me!" Toji joined in, he stared at Shinji eagerly.  
  
"ah…uh…um…"realized that he was in a jam, Shinji mumbled: "well, I am not supposed to tell you, but my father works at Nerv. And, well…" Shinji paused, to the impatient and unpleasant looks of both his friends. "Misato…I mean Ms. Katsuragi works at the same research department as my father's. I think she comes to our school to be a temporary gym teacher because she's here to do a research on the 'youth' market…"  
  
Katsuragi Misato looked up at the young male students, who were fighting for her affection. She smiled big, then lifted her sunglasses over her head, and waved at them.  
  
"OH WOW! SHE WAVED at ME!!!' Said all the boys, as Hikari held her forehead, shook her head in mild disgust. "Boys…so immature!" She exclaimed, to the agreement of the girls in the class, especially Asuka and Rei.  
  
"Shinji, you…YOU BIG IDIOT!!!" screamed Asuka, as she charged toward the window, lunged herself at Shinji.  
  
Shinji turned to her in wide-eyed horror, "wait, Asuka, wait! You are going to push us out!"  
  
With the collective screams of Shinji, Kensuke, Toji and Asuka, accompanied by the whole class' yelling and laughter, the 4 of them fell out of the 2nd story window.  
  
As Shinji landed first on the flowerbed, he thought to himself, what a typical weekday indeed. Isn't it just so plain yet so wonderful?  
  
The rest of day was pretty eventless, except for the excitement of the boys about the new gym teacher, and the jealous girls' gossips. The last bell rang at 4:00 PM.  
  
"Whew," Shinji thought to himself. "Finally, this day is over." His face brightened up a bit. "Now I can relax and go grab a bite with Toji and Kensuke before I go home and study, and…" watching over his shoulder for any trace of Asuka, Shinji relaxed some more when he didn't see her; his thought continued: "and maybe I can get some peace and quiet…" He started toward the exit of the school.  
  
Just then Ayanami Rei came out of nowhere, collided with Shinji. Both of them fell hard to the ground.  
  
"Ow ow ow ow ow…" Rei held her head as she sat on the ground; her legs were wide open. Again, her white panties were exposed to Shinji's gaze.  
  
"Man, what the…it's you again! Why didn't you look where you are going this time?" Shinji said, more less glad that he didn't bump into Asuka, because Asuka would've kicked his ass.  
  
Rei paused to rub her head, then she looked up at Shinji, and then followed Shinji's gaze to her crotch.  
  
Both their faces turned apple red instantly.  
  
Shinji turned around quickly. He covered his eyes, and said hastily: "I am sorry, I am sorry, I am so sorry! I didn't meant to…"His voice trailed off.  
  
"Give me a hand here, " Rei said coolly, "help me up." She said without any trace of anger.  
  
Shinji hesitated, and then slowly turned around. He took his hands off his face, and reached out with his right hand.  
  
The afternoon sunlight shined brightly unto Rei, just as her smile shined brightly unto Shinji. "Oh my," Shinji thought, "she sure is cute."  
  
As he helped Rei up to her feet, Rei smiled slightly. Shinji couldn't help but feel somewhat proud about having helped a girl out, at the same time, something was bugging him about her. "Hmm…I have seen her smile before, but where?"  
  
A dark and chilly feeling immersed all over him, it came as sudden as the thought. The chilly feeling was totally out of place in the May's afternoon warm sunshine. …?… Shinji simply couldn't place his fingers on it. Something…  
  
He found Rei stared at him with a warmth and friendliness he never felt before; she moved her face close to his.  
  
"Ah…hello…um…what…?" Was all Shinji can manage before Rei's smiling face turned a deep shade of red, and then, with a loud thud, he felt the sting of her hand on his face.  
  
"Wha…?" Before Shinji can react, Rei said quickly: "Sayonara, you pervert!" half a smile crossed her face as she quickly turned and ran toward the exit away from him. Sayonara? That was not the goodbye that he expected from her. Maybe she thought he was a pervert and didn't want to see him again, ever. Shinji thought miserably. She was really cute. Shinji thought more miserably. Something about that goodbye really bugged him…  
  
"Hey Shinji-kun, what the hell was that all about?" Before Shinji can answer, a hand fell heavily on his back, causing him to cough in pain. Toji always greet people with a smack on the back.  
  
"Uh, come on, shrimp! That wasn't so bad! Not as bad as you how you ran into that girl!" Toji said easily. After all, he wasn't the one on the receiving end of his own special greeting. Kensuke just laughed at Shinji's red-faced reaction to that comment.  
  
For once, Shinji just laughed with them. "Well, I didn't see her coming, that's for sure." Then he mumbled: "But she said, 'Sayonara'. I wonder why?"  
  
The three of them walked out of the school gate, and toward the direction of the S district, where they usually grab a bite before going home to do some homework.  
  
The sun has gone further down, the big clock on the Nerv building showed 4:30 PM. It was windy in Tokyo 3, and people were walking in their usual fast pace. They were near the subway station where on weekends; Shinji would take subway to the shopping district. As the three of them walked past the station entrance, Shinji caught a glimpse of something that made him pause.  
  
The word "Evangelion", written in blood, on the wall of the entrance.  
  
"What?" surprised, Shinji strained his eyes to look closer.  
  
Only to see an ad about the evangelization of Japan.  
  
"The Savior is our only hope. In this corrupted society, citizens need evangelicals to protect them with the abundant powers of Kami-san." Shinji read to himself absently-mindedly. "Please support our cause – sponsored by the people of…Nerv?"  
  
Shinji blinked, and read it again.  
  
"Why are we stopping here, man? Come on! I am starving!" Toji grumbled loudly.  
  
"What is it, Shinji?" Kensuke asked with some concern. "Something not right about the ad?" he asked alertly with more interest.  
  
Shinji gasped to himself. It did say Nerv! Now when did father's company got involved with these religious people? As far as Shinji can tell, he never liked any religion; he especially hated this kind. A savior, he thought, that's useless, the best thing people can do is to save themselves.  
  
He turned to his friends, and was about to tell them his thoughts on the evangelicals…but he sighed instead. "Nothing, guys, let's go." He started to walk away from the entrance.  
  
"Shinji, doesn't your dad work for Nerv?" Kensuke inquired. He has seen the ad many times before.  
  
"Oh yeah…hey wait! Ms. Misato, too, right?" Toji asked excitedly. He rubbed his hands, and continued: "Man, Ms. Misato looked great today at the gym class! White tank top, white gym shorts, with light blue sports bra…her blue eyes was following my athletically build body all over the place! She's so cute with her hair tied back like she did!"  
  
"Followed you? Followed you? Oh shut up, you brainless jock! She'd never pay any attention to a moron like you! She came over, and talked to me! She was very interested in my new database that can store massive data and can access them from anywhere in the world fast, with my new compression scheme and all…" Toji interrupted Kensuke, and put his head in a headlock: "Shut up you stupid fool! You think she would care about your stupid codes and geeky laptop?" The two of them started a wrestling match right there in the front of the subway entrance. Shinji was embarrassed for the two of them, and tried very hard to tell them to stop, but there was no way that his mumbling was going to reach their ears.  
  
"Oh look, the three stooges at it again!" surprised, Toji and Kensuke stopped. The three of them turned and saw Asuka's sarcastic and disapproved look.  
  
Asuka somehow had already gotten home, changed out of the blue uniform, and changed into a bright, expensive yellow dress, red clogs, and had put on some make up.  
  
She continued. "Well, well, boys are so immature. Gentleman, we are on the urge of becoming high school students, and you three still plays in the dirt like children? Do you know that I have never played with childish things such as dolls even when I was a little girl? I have always been very mature, but the three of you…"She paused, shook her head in adult-like disproval, "are just three stupid idiots, and childish, too." She looked at them as if she was older, and a lot taller than all three of them.  
  
"Oh yeah? Well, look who's talking, say, weren't you and the class rep. Hikari-chan giggling about that American singer/dancer Dick Saucer? What about our English teacher, Ryoji Kaji? Weren't the two of you flirting with him?" It was too late to stop Toji, Shinji thought, as soon as Toji opened his mouth, the disaster could not have been prevented.  
  
After Toji's comment about Asuka flirting with Ryoji Kaji, Asuka's eyes grew to about the size of dinner plates, as she charged at Toji; she swung at Toji with her right fist. Shinji winced at the inevitable fate of Toji: "Boy, he's really going to get it this time…"  
  
Just as Asuka's fist was about to hit Toji's defenseless left cheek, another hand came out of no where, grabbed Asuka's wrist, accompanied by a cold voice: "Stop. Why do you do this?"  
  
All four turned to the newcomer to the group. Shinji gasped.  
  
"Ayanami! Ayanami Rei!"  
  
She came so suddenly that Asuka was completely taken by surprise, but she recovered quickly. "LET GO! LET GO OF MY WRIST NOW!" Asuka said angrily, almost threateningly to Rei. Rei was silent. Her eyes stared at Asuka with a sense of cold intensity. Her eyes weren't warm and friendly anymore, they were cold and piercing  
  
I've seen this look before… But where? The thought flashed quickly in Shinji's mind. However, Rei's icy cold stare didn't seem to faze Asuka. She stopped yelling and screaming at Rei. Instead, she said, in tone that matched Rei's own: "Let go of my arm, Wonder Girl."  
  
The two of them continued to stare down each other, while the three boys swallowed hard in observation.  
  
Finally, Rei slowly opened her hand. As Asuka quickly pulled back her arm, her wrist had deep finger shaped bruises on them. Asuka didn't even bother to look at her wrist at all. She continued to look at Rei with hellfire in her eyes. Rei returned the favor with a frozen Siberian winter night in hers. Neither of them moved.  
  
Finally, Asuka said:" Alright, I will forgive him this time, but next time he better not talk garbage about me that way."  
  
All three boys breathed a heavy sigh of relief. While Kensuke mumbled something about feminists are scary.  
  
"Come on, Shinji. Let's go!" Asuka said without looking at him. She turned around and started to walk. After few steps, she realized that Shinji wasn't following her. She spun around.  
  
Shinji did not move an inch toward her direction.  
  
Asuka looked at Shinji, then she looked at each of the 4 in return. Then with a loud "hmpf", she spun around, and left as fast as a summer's thunderstorm would come and go, the only traces of her left was the smell of her perfume and trail of red hair in the air.  
  
Rei looked after her direction for a moment, and then she turned the other direction and started walking. Shinji hesitated, and then called out after her.  
  
"Um, Ayanami…Ayanami?" Shinji said with some uncertainty. Rei turned around to face him.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Well, about today…"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"The two times I ran into you…I…I didn't…"  
  
"…"  
  
"I mean, I didn't meant to…"  
  
"…"  
  
"I didn't meant to look. I am sorry. Really."  
  
"…Ok. Sayonara."  
  
Rei turned around, and walked away from the boys, in the opposite direction of Asuka.  
  
The three boys stood there for about a minute, then Toji spoke: "…Uh, can somebody tell me what the hell is going on today? What's with these girls anyway?"  
  
All three of them shrugged. Oh well, time to grab a quick bite before going home. The three of them left the front of the subway entrance, leaving the questions unanswered. 


	2. Evangelion Fan Fiction Episode 2: Necess...

Eva fan fiction Episode 2: Necessity, life. Life?  
  
Shinji sighed, then he fell down to his bed; he stared at the ceiling. Then he turned his head to look at the clock, 5:30 PM, it displayed. He lifted his head up a little bit to look at his desk – papers due tomorrow, daily diary entries required by school, due tomorrow, Kanji writing exercise, due tomorrow, Calculus homework, due tomorrow…  
  
He tossed and turned, and finally settled on the fetal position, while he pulled the cover over his head. "Shinji-kun, I'll be working late today again, take care of the dinner. Love, Mom." Shinji recited to himself that note his mother left on the kitchen table. For a few seconds, he just lied there, curled under the cover, without movement. Then all of the sudden, he shoved the cover away from him, which made the cover landed on the far side of the wall. He sprang up, stretched his arms, turned his head from side to side, and then got off his bed, hurried out of the door, and left the door slam shut.  
  
He liked that. Forget homework, forget sleep, and forget dinner – well, I can't really forget dinner, but I can certainly eat wherever I want to. Shinji thought, then he shouted, "I can eat whatever I want, I can do whatever I want, forget mother, and forget father!" He paused, then shouted again: "I am fine by myself!" The sound echoed throughout the house. The chairs, the tables, the doors, and everything seemed to have vibrated with his voice. Except, there was no real reply, only the hum of the air conditioner, which strangely, only enhanced the silence that was this house.  
  
He turned to look at the phone. The phone did not respond to his silent promptings. Ring, damn it, ring! Shinji willed. The phone stayed quiet.  
  
He just stopped moving. Shinji stood there in the house. Breathe in, breath out…Shinji listened…hummmm…the AC hummed. The afternoon sunlight streamed in from the window. The chairs have stopped vibrating; the tables didn't make a sound.  
  
Outside, there were no birds chirping, no cars passing by, no people talking about the latest weather, and the bad traffic of the city.  
  
Nothing. No one's out there; no one's in here. Shinji thought.  
  
Except him.  
  
"Hello? Is there anyone out there? Hello?" Shinji yelled. "Somebody…anybody, please answer!" He rushed to the front door, grabbed the handle, and hurriedly turned the knob…the knob did not turn. Shinji tried harder, but the knob simply didn't budge. He pushed and pulled hard and fast, but the door didn't open an inch. He started to pound the door.  
  
"Come on…please don't leave me in here! This…this place is killing me!" He moaned. "Some…someone, please! Misato-san, Asuka, Ayanami!" He frantically called. Beads of sweat poured out from his forehead, then formed droplets, and they started to drip from his face, and formed a puddle of sweat on the wooden floor.  
  
"Ristuko-san…mother…father…"his hysterical yelling became a desperate plead. "Please, somebody…somebody help." He had fallen on the ground, by the door.  
  
The whole house started to look a lot smaller than before. The chairs, the tables, the TV, refrigerator, the book shelf…everything had gotten closer…Shinji's eyes darted around, and then, he sat up by the door, with his arms encircled his knees, he curled up his whole body.  
  
"I…I can't…I can't breathe…"Shinji whispered. "This…is….the end." He moaned softly. It wasn't supposed to be like this…this was supposed to be different…Shinji thought.  
  
The last of his thoughts gave way to the overwhelmingly urge of sleep. He closed his eyes.  
  
The sound of the alarm greatly startled Shinji as he opened his eyes and stretched his arms. "Uh…what time is it?" Shinji turned very slowly to the alarm clock. He sighed to himself, and reached out to grab it.  
  
Only to have it snatched out of his hand by Asuka.  
  
"Idiot…do you know what time it is?" Asuka said impatiently, "It's 7:45! Time for you to get up to go to school!" Asuka tossed the alarm clock on Shinji's head, which made the boy yelp in pain. Before he could've retorted, Asuka grabbed his cover, and pulled it far away from his body.  
  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Asuka screamed as soon as the cover was pulled. The glass on the windows of Shinji's house started to crack.  
  
Shinji was completely naked underneath the cover.  
  
Exposed, Shinji felt a draft over his chest, he rubbed his eyes. "What is it now, Asuka, why are you yelling at me again?" He started to get off the bed.  
  
"No, no! You…you ignominious idiot! You, you stupid, dorky, perverted loser!" Asuka backed up, and then stumbled backwards. She fell on the ground hard.  
  
"What the…man, what's your problem?" Shinji whined. Then, he felt the cold wind on a certain part of his body, puzzled, he looked down.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Shinji screamed as loud as he could, his voice shook neighbor's glass windows. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? WHY AM I NAKED?" He covered himself as quickly as he could, but the damage was done. Because of the cold wind, what had risen, was already shrunken by the time he covered himself up.  
  
He looked down at Asuka's face, just as she looked up at his.  
  
…All was quiet in Shinji's room. The time was 7:50 AM.  
  
Ikari Yui was finishing up her cooking when she heard a loud, hysterical laughter. While her husband poured over that day's paper.  
  
He didn't bother to look up, while she looked up towards Shinji's room, She frowned.  
  
Just then Asuka stumbled and tumbled down the stairs, she was laughing her head off. A red-faced Shinji followed her as quickly as he could, with only his under pants on.  
  
"Good heavens, what is going on here?" Yui said, she rushed to the bottom of the stairs, just as Asuka tumbled down, and fell at her feet, she was still laughing like a maniac.  
  
"GAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!" Asuka said. While Shinji was, once again, covering himself at that area.  
  
"Shinji-kun! Look at you, what a embarrassing sight!" Yui chided him lightly.  
  
"But, but mom, I…I didn't know what happened! I mean," Shinji tried hard to explain to his mom, over the sound of Asuka's screeching laughter, "I…woke up, and I was naked! I mean, I was dressed before I went to sleep…I think I was dressed…I… …what happened yesterday…?" Before he could finish, Yui had grabbed him by his arms, and started to drag him up the stairs, toward his room. "Shinji-kun, I will not have you looking like this in front of prim and proper ladies, this is most inappropriate." Yui said, while trying hard to suppress her smile.  
  
"But, mother, wait!" Shinji protested uselessly, over the loud, and incessant laughter of Asuka, as he got dragged into his room.  
  
Five minutes later, the two youths Shinji and Asuka, ran breathlessly toward school.  
  
"You idiot! I knew we should've taken the subway or the bus!" Asuka said angrily.  
  
No way, subway is expensive and the buses are never on time. Besides, running is good for you. Shinji wanted to retort, instead, he apologized: "Ah…I am sorry…"  
  
"Ugh…I knew it, all you do is apologize." Asuka said. She avoided Shinji's eyes. Her face was on the urge of cracking into a huge smile. Her voice was hoarse from all the laughing she did at Shinji's house, after the incident.  
  
Shinji blushed. She sure was cute, even when she laughed like a idiot…Shinji smiled to himself. Then he forcefully stopped himself from laughing. "Her embarrassment sure was cute, too." Shinji mumbled to himself.  
  
The two of them dashed through the streets, even though they tried hard to get to school on time, they were late by ten minutes this time.  
  
Expected a harsh scolding by Mr. Takeda, Shinji were surprised when he saw Katsuragi Misato standing in front of the classroom.  
  
"Hey there Shinji-kun…late for class again, are you? Well, that's not a nice way to treat your sensei…Well, I guess we will have to do something about that later…" Misato smiled teasingly, and winked at him…at least Shinji thought she did. He swallowed hard visibly, as the rest of the class stared at him, the boys with jealousy, and the girls with astonishment.  
  
Asuka was right behind Shinji as he took his seat, Misato, with her eyes still on Shinji, said: "Oh, sit down, please, class has already started."  
  
Asuka's eyes grew to the size of two red bean paste pies. She stared at Misato's face with her mouth wide open, then turned her head to look at Shinji. He was looking down, but he stole glances at Misato, who was wearing a white tank top with string shoulder straps, short black skirt, black high heels, bright red lip color, and her hair was down to her shoulders. And she smelled great.  
  
Asuka's eyes and mouth stayed wide open. She did not stare at Katsuragi Misato, but she did gaze hard at Shinji, while she clenched her teeth.  
  
Shinji, on the other hand, did not paid any attention to her at all.  
  
The screen of Shinji's laptop communicator (every student got one, the one that Kensuke has was a expensive, commercial brand), flashed in front of him, so he checked the message on the screen.  
  
Wow, did Ms. Katsuragi just flirted with you? What are you two doing after school? Tell me, I want to know now!  
  
Shinji checked the name of the sender, it was Kensuke. He didn't bother to answer it. But Kensuke sent twice more the same message, within 5 seconds, so he just typed.  
  
I don't know. I am not sure what you are talking about?  
  
Oh come on, you can tell me! We are best buddies, right?  
  
Another message came in at the same time:  
  
Yeah, Shinji, tell us! What's going on between you and Misato-san?  
  
Shinji frowned at the screen, this one don't have a signature. He looked up, Toji was looking back at him, snickering. Shinji blinked, he forgot that this program has 3-way chatting capabilities, and each participant was able to send instantly the messages to another user.  
  
Shinji wasn't sure if he should say anything, besides, he was just as confused as everyone else…Misato-san was trying to be nice to me, and she wanted to encourage me to get to class early, I guess…wait a minute…Shinji frowned, and then typed:  
  
Why is Misato-san…I mean Ms. Katsuragi teaching us today, what happened to Mr. Takeda?  
  
Who?  
  
Shinji blinked, what did Kensuke mean, who?  
  
Our regular teacher, Mr. Takeda, he's about 50+, white hair, well, hardly any left, short, kind of hunched back, glasses with black rims…  
  
Who? Toji responded, he drew a large, puzzled face next to the reply.  
  
There is no one at this school by that description. Kensuke responded with more sophistication.  
  
Shinji stared at the screen. This isn't right, He thought, yesterday, Mr. Takeda was standing right in front of the classroom. He introduced Ayanami to us, and then Misato-san came to school in her Porsche 911, so Ayanami couldn't even begin her self-introduction, because we all went to the window…  
  
Shinji looked quickly at where Rei Ayanami sat yesterday, hoping that she didn't disappear. He was relieved to see Rei sitting where she was. She didn't bother to look at him, or anyone else, she was looking out of the window. Her light blue hair shined in the sunlight. Her uniform was spotless, and also shiny. Her knees were refined and cute. The part of her thighs that were exposed were pale white, slim but fit. Her calves were a little thin, but supple. Her socks had fell down to the top of her shoes, and her ankles were delicate, small and round. Everything about her fascinates me, Shinji thought.  
  
It took 15 messages sent by Toji and Kensuke before Shinji finally noticed the screen's flashing, but by that time, it was too late. Misato was already standing in front of Shinji. Startled, Shinji quickly turned toward her.  
  
Only to see her cleavage exposed, almost to the nipples, as there was no bra to be seen. She was bending over right in front of him!  
  
Shinji's face turned a deep shade of apple red, he quickly looked down. Misato's face was inches away from his.  
  
"Well, well. What do we have here?" Misato said. She picked up his laptop from his lap, while her fingers brushed his thighs. "You are not using this for personal chatting, are you, Shinji-Kun?" She said, even though her face was stern, her eyes had a playful look.  
  
"Um…" Shinji mumbled, "No, Misato-san…I mean, Katsuragi-sensei…uh…we…I mean, I was just…"  
  
"Uh-huh. Sure, Shinji-kun, like I didn't do this when I was in high school. But unfortunately, I am not a student but a respected teacher of this prestigious institution, so this misuse of the school property cannot be over looked. You will have to be punished." She paused, Her eyes looked deep into Shinji's: "You will stay after school today, I will see to your punishment personally." She stood up straight, and spun around, then she walked to the front of the class with Shinji's laptop cradled to her size 34" chest.  
  
Shinji's face stayed beet-red for the rest of the class, he felt many harsh stares from the boys, and many stunned looks from the girls, save one girl: Soryu Asuka Langley. Her face was fiery red, her eyes were two lances piercing through Shinji's head, her hair stood on their ends, and her body tensed up like a cat that got its tail stepped on. She looked like she was going to pounce on Shinji at any moment.  
  
Or at least after the class was over.  
  
The ordinarily stress-relieving sound of the dismissal bell rang dreadfully in his ears as everyone left the classroom, Shinji guessed that Asuka would soon pounce on him after he walked out. He took a deep breath, stole a look at Asuka's direction, then grabbed his book bag, and started to run.  
  
"Hey! Wait a minute!" Asuka said. She was giggling with Hikari about the English teacher, Ryoji Kaji, when Shinji took off. She left Hikari and started to chase after Shinji. He had a good head start.  
  
Shinji heard Asuka's screaming and yelling from behind; she was ordering him to stop but he dared not, and therefore the she chased him through the hall way. Asuka had slowed down before the two reached Shinji's next class. Her breath was getting short and labored.  
  
She yelled after him: "You won't get out of this! You are only delaying the inevitable!" She stopped to catch her breath. Shinji was long gone by then.  
  
The classrooms were passing him by in a blur as he ran, his heart was pounding like a overheating water pump, sweat poured down his cheeks. All of the sudden, his progress of fleeing came to a dead stop. The girl who stopped him dead in his tracks fell backwards, as Shinji fell forward, pushed her down on the ground, while he fell on top of her.  
  
"Hmmm hmmm…" Shinji mumbled something, but his face was buried in something soft. He opened his eyes to see what his face was buried in – Rei's chest.  
  
He quickly lifted his head off her chest, wide eyed and startled, they looked at each other. Rei's pale cheeks turned rosy as her light red eyes looked deep into his eyes. The two of them froze. The hands of the clock on the wall stopped moving. People around them stopped walking; their laughter became quiet, the noises of the inter-class break ceased for the two of them right then.  
  
What do you want from me?  
  
What?  
  
What do you want from me?  
  
Want…want…?  
  
Everyone wants something. From you, from me.  
  
I used to want something…but now I think I have it.  
  
Do you? Do you have what you wanted?  
  
What? Shinji blinked, who's talking to me? His eyes focused again, into Rei's eyes. Rei's eyes were 2 refined rubies. Her mouth moved slowly: "Let me up." She plead softly, "Please, let me get up."  
  
"O…Oh, sorry! I am sorry!" Shinji tried quickly to get up, his right hand tried to push on something to support his body weight; he wished he didn't. His right hand was on Rei's left breast.  
  
Rei's face has turned apple red, she turned her head shyly to her right. "Are you quite finished?" She asked.  
  
Shinji jumped up as fast as he could, then stood straight-laced in front of her. He looked down at his erection through his pants. Embarrassed, he quickly covered his crotch. Oh great! This is just great! This morning, and now too! Shinji thought, he lowered his head to his chest.  
  
Rei got up, she dusted herself off, picked up her bag, and walked pass by Shinji, without looking at him. But the corners of her lips moved up a little.  
  
With his head bowed in shame, Shinji didn't see her facial expression.  
  
Thankfully, nothing sexual happened for the rest of the day. Asuka didn't get a chance to grill Shinji about what happened earlier today, and Shinji didn't run into Rei again. Misato had not paid any "special" attention to him since morning.  
  
With the day winding down, that nagging question surfaced again: what happened to Mr. Takeda? Shinji mentally scratched his head as he was packing his books. I know he was the teacher yesterday, but today…Shinji looked at Katsuragi Misato, who was erasing the last of today's lesson. It was some stuff about history of the western religions, or denominations or whatever. Shinji were mostly thinking about what happened today, and didn't pay much attention, therefore he was laughed at lot, because it seemed like every time his thoughts started to drift, Ms. Katsuragi would notice his absent look, and call on him, and as usual, people in class would laugh at his blank look. That embarrassed him greatly, and the thought of being embarrassed in front of Misato-san made he hung his head in shame.  
  
Maybe it is true, Shinji thought, Misato-san really do like me. I guess I am a likable person after all…Nah, she's just being nice, because my father works with her, and she probably heard about me from father. So she's just trying to be polite, and besides, after this class, she's going to punish me anyway.  
  
That thought soured his mood. He sighed, as most of the people had already walked out, Asuka was the only other student who stuck around. That soured his mood some more. Right then he didn't want to deal with Asuka.  
  
Asuka stood in front of him for a few seconds. She didn't say a word, or move a muscle. She just stared at him.  
  
Shinji frowned. He blinked a few times. This is unusual. He thought.  
  
Asuka finally spoke: "Don't get in any more trouble, ok?" She paused, her voice turned sarcastic: "And…DON'T BE A PERVERT! You nasty dog!" She quickly turned and sprinted out of classroom.  
  
Shinji breathed a sigh of relief. At least it looks like she's not really angry with him anymore. A hand fell on Shinji's right shoulder, he turned to see Katsuragi Misato smiling at him.  
  
"It's time to discuss your problem, Shinji-kun." She smiled brightly, as she and Shinji walked out of the classroom. She shut off the lights, and left the classroom dark and empty.  
  
There wasn't anyone hanging around in the hallway when Shinji and Misato started walking down toward the administrative building in the middle of the school. But some of the classrooms were occupied by students who were meeting after school for club activities, some other students were studying for the upcoming semester midterms, to get a head start on everyone else.  
  
Shinji glanced over these classrooms and yawned a few times as he and Misato walked wordlessly through the classroom buildings, out into the open, across the track field, and into the administrative building.  
  
"Are you interested in joining them?" Misato asked.  
  
"What? I am sorry, I didn't hear you…" Shinji said, he face expressionless.  
  
Misato chortled softly, and asked again. Her left hand rested on Shinji's right shoulder as they continued walking.  
  
"Um…" Shinji like how warm and relaxed Misato's hand made his shoulder felt, "Well, actually, I never had much interest in group…club activities." He paused briefly, imagined what Misato's response would be, and then continued: "I've always been alone."  
  
He found Misato's blue eyes bored into his. The two of them stopped in the middle of the hallway. Both of them turned to each other.  
  
Misato had placed both her hands on Shinji's shoulders. Her hands sure felt nice even through his shirt. Shinji looked up into her eyes. Then he quickly turned his head to his right. He felt Misato's breath on his face as she bent down to his height. It was getting harder and harder to ignore her doe-like, sea blue eyes. Even without blond hair, Katsuragi Misato is not a woman anyone can easily ignore.  
  
Misato looked at him for a few seconds, Shinji tried hard not to look at her, but his will power gave in, and he turned to look at her. He felt his heart just stopped. Finally, after an eternal tense moment of silence, she spoke to him, like a 5 year old: "Shinji-kun, you can't be alone forever, you know."  
  
Shinji wasn't surprised. "Um…Misato-san, I am not really alone, I do have friends, Toji, Kensuke, Asuka, Ayanami…you know, I have friends…it's just…" He paused, looking for the right words to say: "it's just that…well, I am alone even when I am with people."  
  
Misato continued to look deep into his eyes. "Do you open up yourself to them? Shinji-kun? Do you like to be around them?" she asked softly.  
  
Shinji turned his head to his right. "yeah. I tell them things. They tell me things, we hang out, after school, I mean, we go out to eat. Sometimes Asuka comes by, and we argue. The four of us would get into a fight. And Asuka comes over in the morning, to wake me up for school, and then we argue about things, she gets angry, and I get blamed for her tardiness, I mean, she doesn't have to come over to my house and wake me up, I can just do everything myself…"  
  
"Shinji-kun." Misato interrupted suddenly, "What do you want in this life?"  
  
Shinji turned his head sharply: "What? What did you say?" he mumbled.  
  
"What do you want in this life?" Misato repeated slowly, "What is it that you want in this life?" She demanded. Shinji wasn't sure what was going on, even though he was sure that he was starting to feel a sense of uneasiness…something about her tone…  
  
The two of them stared at each other, Misato's arms were straight. Even with her hands on his shoulders he felt the distance between them were getting longer, and he started to feel desperate and closed off by her. But he didn't say anything and she didn't ask any more questions. Finally, he said with a shrug: "I don't really want anything. I am fine, just fine, really. So let's just go, ok?"  
  
Misato continued to stare at him for a few seconds, then she straightened herself up, her hands fell off Shinji's shoulders. He felt a sense of guilt and regret.  
  
Misato sighed. "Very well, Mr. Ikari. I think I understand you better now." She took a step away from Shinji, "Because what you did today at the class was your first offense of this semester, and your permanent record is spotless so far, I've decided to be easy on you this time." She said sternly. Her face was a mask of stone. "You may leave now."  
  
Shinji sighed, he thanked Katsuragi Misato, and walked toward the exit of the building, certain that he had offended Misato-san somehow, he hung his head as he walked out of the building, and then, the school. Something about this encounter really bothered him. What is it she was trying to ask me? Shinji wondered, why is it that people ask me about what I want? Does it matter? Shinji thought miserably. Someone else had asked me the same question before…  
  
Oh well, Shinji thought, whatever happens will just have to wait. Maybe tomorrow, everything will make sense… 


	3. Evangelion Fan fiction Episode 3: I need...

Evangelion Fan fiction Episode 3: I need you.  
  
Wednesday, 3rd day of the new school year, and Shinji still couldn't get himself in gear for school. Sometimes thoughts of the different events that had happened in the past 2 days raced across his head as Katsuragi Misato taught about world history; the war with Pacific nations, and the USA. Other times he would just sit alone at the corner of the school garden, and thought about various things that has happened to him since the first day of school.  
  
Asuka hasn't been talking him since yesterday, her missing presence from the breakfast table at his house brought a sense of mystery to the Ikari household. Although Shinji did secretly wished that she would come and talk to him, and maybe call him 'Mr. Idiot' or something silly like that, Asuka has managed to avoid him through out the day. Shinji considered skipping the study hall to find Asuka and talk with her before her Home economics class, but decided against it.  
  
I don't think I really want her to snap at me for nothing again, not today, at least. He thought.  
  
What Misato asked him yesterday really bothered him. Want? What do I want? In life? Shinji thought, his hands was holding his head, the thought gave him a pounding headache…why does it hurt so much?  
  
What is it that you want?  
  
"Ugh…no…don't ask me that…not again…" Shinji moaned, "I…love…I love my life. It's nice. I get friends, and I have a mother, and a father, and my teacher has a thing for me. She…really…Misato wants to be with me…she does, doesn't she?" He looked up at Katsuragi Misato.  
  
She was writing furiously on the board. Her back to the students.  
  
Shinji lowered his head in shame.  
  
"…today we are going to talk about dependency." Katsuragi Misato announced to the general direction of the class. "What is dependency? To put it simply, it is the tendency of an individual or individuals to rely on others for advice, guidance, or support. Sometimes, the individual will depend on other means to give him or her support. Chemical examples include drugs, alcohol, and painkillers; psychological examples include sexual fantasies, imaginary worlds, and false beliefs about our present world…" As she continued on, Shinji lifted his eyes to follow her movement, his eyes glued to her face.  
  
Katsuragi Misato paced left and right in front of the class as she lectured, her eyes slightly glazing over the students' heads as she spoke. As the students either focused on the board, or looking down at their paper while busily taking notes, Shinji continued to look up at her face.  
  
She turned to the board, and wrote: "Fantasy world." Then she underlined the words.  
  
Shinji hung his head as she wrote. Misato-san seems to be angry with me, what did I do? Shinji thought dejectedly. Oh, I get it, yesterday I didn't say the things she wanted to hear. That I love to go to club activities after school, that I love to hang out with people, that I…  
  
The bell rang, and the class was over.  
  
Shinji stayed at his seat. He did not move a muscle..  
  
Toji and Kensuke came over to talk to him, but this time, he was silent. The two of them tried to talk among themselves, after a couple minutes, they left.  
  
Shinji looked at his laptop screen. There were no new messages.  
  
Misato had already left the classroom. The door was shut.  
  
Shinji could hear the muffled sounds of footsteps and the voices of students' conversations, which came in from outside of the classroom. But in the here everything was silent.  
  
The blackboard was a fresh shade of green, no traces of chalk, the 4 erasers sat at the bottom of the board one next to another. The tables and chairs lined up neatly, row-by-row, column-by-column, none of them was out of alignment. The floor was a shade of white, not a dust spot was in sight. No paper crumbs, no pencil shave offs, no dust and grime, no human hair.  
  
Shinji sharply looked up, and then around him. Nothing. No one here, no sound in here. He shivered…his body began to shook uncontrollably.  
  
Then he grabbed his book bag, and charged to the door, pulled it open, and rushed out of the classroom..  
  
The lights shut off after he went out of the door. The classroom was dark and  
  
empty.  
  
Shinji didn't show up at the gym class. Instead, he went to look for Asuka. Asuka was in her study hall when Shinji showed up at the door.  
  
She looked up suddenly, as Shinji appeared at the door of her classroom. She quickly glanced at him, then looked back down at her paper. Shinji continued to stand by the door, ignoring the teacher in the front of her class. The teacher didn't bother to look at him.  
  
After a few minutes, Asuka sighed silently. She went to the front of the class to talk to the teacher. The two of them spoke in a low voice, then the teacher nodded, she turned, and hurried out of the classroom.  
  
She stood in front of Shinji, with her red hair tied with ribbons, her face was pale, her green-blue eyes were deep and unreadable, and her shoulders were slim and fragile.  
  
But right then, she was anything but fragile.  
  
"What do you want?" She demanded, "I am in a middle of my class, if you had bothered to notice!"  
  
Shinji shifted around a little, his right hand played with his keys in his pants' right pocket. "Right…Uh, Asuka, I…um…."  
  
Asuka cut him off. "If you have nothing better to say, or do, then leave. I am busy, and I don't have time for you right now." She turned and walked briskly toward the classroom.  
  
"Wait, wait! Asuka!" Shinji called after her, "I need to ask you something."  
  
Asuka turned toward him, walked briskly back, and stopped just short of running into his nose. "If you want to tell me something, do it now. Later may not be a good time." She said with a snicker.  
  
Shinji pulled back from her, even though he had a urge to put his arms around her, to hold her tight against his chest. "Uh…um…why didn't you come over this morning?" He asked in a hushed voice.  
  
Asuka stared at him for a few seconds before she shot her answers at him: "That's it? That's what you wanted to talk to me about?" Her eyes grew wider. "It's the middle of my class, and yours, and you have nothing better to do then to walk all the way over here to this side of the school, in the middle of the day, and ask me why I didn't go over to your house this morning?" She said in high pitched but deadly voice.  
  
Shinji had shifted his body a few times during their conversation, he shifted again. "Uh…um…yeah, sorry…I…"He mumbled.  
  
Asuka tensed up, she yelled: "You want to know why I didn't come to your house this morning? Well, I'll tell you why, you stupid jerk! Because…", her turned apple red, "…because I had a tummy ache!"  
  
She turned and ran back into the class. Her voice still rang in his ears. The whole class had looked up, first at Asuka, and then at Shinji. Shinji could feel the temperature of his face rising. He quickly left the building.  
  
Shinji didn't bother to stick around after that. He snuck out of the school's back door when the guard was taking a lunch break.  
  
He was walking around endlessly in the city when he walked pass by the subway entrance. He looked up, and turned to it. The ad is still there.  
  
"The Savior is our only hope…powers of Kami-san…sponsored by the people of…Nerv." Shinji read aloud without much thought on it, his mind was on Asuka, Misato, and…Rei.  
  
Shinji froze. Something about evangelicals…What…Shinji started to feel a cold shiver up his spine…powers of Kami-san…powers…of…Kami- san…Evangelicals….Evangel…  
  
His head started to hurt as if someone is trying to crack his skull with a hammer from the inside.  
  
Why did you kill him?  
  
What? Shinji yelled out aloud, but no sound came out of his mouth. The bright noon day sun has turned into a dripping ball of bloody mess, the interior walls of the subway was black and white, but stained with more blood, and the people had morphed into…no…these weren't people anymore, these beings were sliding and sliming around him…they…they were liquids, yellowish liquids that squished and squirmed around…  
  
Is this what you wanted?  
  
No! Shinji desperately tried to make a sound, any sound, but all he heard was his racing heartbeats.  
  
Even the sounds of the car engines and horns, people's foot steps, sound of construction had became silent…there weren't any people…just…just….  
  
He tried desperately to walk forward, but his legs were weak, and he couldn't move an inch. He wobbled forward before he fell down, right in front of the subway entrance. He looked up.  
  
There was a boy floating in the air.  
  
He had blue hair, like Ayanami Rei's, his skin were pale white, his eyes were the color of red rubies. His face…Shinji couldn't see very well, because there was a train, with its glaring headlight, coming from behind the boy.  
  
Shinji forced himself to get up, to move out of the harms way. He yelled at that boy: "Get out of the way! That train…that train…" Shinji finally saw that boy's face.  
  
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!"  
  
Shinji screamed as loud as the screech of the train that's trying to stop itself from going any further. But it was too late, the train had ran that boy over.  
  
The boy's head was flying toward Shinji's face. It landed right in front of him. Shinji saw the face of the head corpse right in front of him. Shinji's eyes expanded almost out of their sockets, his mouth opened so wide that it almost ripped itself apart, he force all the air out of his lungs, but his vocal cord failed him.  
  
The train's wheels were inches from his head, and the corpse's.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Shinji almost jumped out of his seat on the subway train. He steadied himself in his seat. "What? What the fuck?" Shinji cursed hoarsely as he tried to calm himself down. He looked around, most the remaining passengers of the train were getting off the train, some looked at him with a frown or a cold eye as they stayed away from him, others either stared at him in disgust, or avoided looking at him all together.  
  
What happened to me? Shinji tried to recollect his memory. I feel dizzy. He thought miserably.  
  
He tried to get up. The voice of the announcer came over the speakers: "…last stop of the line. Thank you for using our service, and please have yourself a nice day!"  
  
Shinji looked out of the window. The 1:00 PM sun was hot, bright and beautiful, the people at the station were walking briskly toward their destinations. Some of them came on the train, and were settling themselves into various seats.  
  
Shinji paused to closely look at everything and everyone around him. Then he muttered to himself.  
  
"I've got to get off this train."  
  
Before the conductor announced the next stop, Shinji hurriedly got off the subway train. He paused to look at different people walking by, searching their face, then, he ran out of the subway station. Once he got above the ground, he ran as fast as he could. He didn't bother to look back.  
  
Walking without a destination on the streets of Tokyo 3, Shinji's mind was a blank sheet of paper. He just drifted through the crowd. "Hey watch it!" "Excuse me!" "Watch where are you going!" "Where the fuck were you looking at?" Was all that he heard as he walked through the crowd.  
  
Hey, somebody, Shinji thought, somebody, anybody, please stop for a moment, I…I've got something to tell you. It may not be important to you, but it's important to me, and I need somebody to listen to me. Please, somebody listen to me. He called out silently toward the crowd around him.  
  
People kept walking. Most of them had their heads lowered, some were on cell phones, others were standing around, reading newspapers, or checking their watches impatiently as they wait for the lights to change from "don't walk" to "walk." The cars stopped at red lights, the shadows on the glass windows replaced the faces that usually appeared in the cars. Shinji weren't sure if there were people in these cars, or the cars drove themselves according to the signal of artificial lights. And the people around him moved almost non-stop, only paused occasionally at the red lights, or whatever the order that had driven them, given by some people with faces he did not recognize. Or maybe he did recognize them.  
  
He looked up, Nerv's big clock on their HQ building read 1:45 PM.  
  
Shinji wanted to go home. Except there would be nobody home. Father's at work at Nerv, mother's at work at…Shinji thought. Mother's at work at…  
  
His head hurt. He shook his head, and tossed his thoughts out of his head. Everything didn't matter. He just wanted to go home.  
  
I will be alone, all by myself. Shinji thought. He lowered his head, and left downtown. He walked home with his shadow.  
  
His house was empty, as he expected it would be, as he walked in. He walked pass the note that his mother left him on the kitchen table toward the refrigerator. He knew what it said.  
  
The refrigerator was empty.  
  
Shinji stared at the inside of the refrigerator. The translucent white light illuminated the empty white shelves, and Shinji's face. It hummed. Shinji listened, the AC hummed; the tables and the chairs in the kitchen hummed in harmony with the microwave, the stove, the sink, the whole house…  
  
He slammed the refrigerator door, and went to the living room. He settled into a comfortable sofa, and turned on the TV. There wasn't much on around 2:15 PM, on a Wednesday afternoon. Cooking shows, soap operas, talk shows, animes, commercials…  
  
He settled on some anime called: "21st Century World Saviors". It was some kind of silly giant robot anime show about a group of 14 year olds chosen to save the world from alien invaders, who turned out to be some kind of apocalyptical forces that can end the world and destroy all man kind. Shinji thought, and yawned. "Exciting." He mumbled.  
  
The announcer recapped: "The main character, Shigen, a shy and non-violent boy who was socially inept, was called to pilot this super robot, the World Savior 01, but since he was too scared to pilot it, he was almost kicked off the team…"  
  
How cowardly. Shinji thought. Maybe he should go back to live with his teacher. Ms. Mitsubishi, and hide under her skirt. He paused at that thought. She's hot!  
  
He watched it for a while, channel surfed when the commercials that advertised the new batteries and sports cars made by some subsidiaries of Nerv came on, and then turned off the TV. The show had made him drift off to sleep at least 10 times.  
  
The last image on the TV was a blue haired boy confronting Shigen in the show, when the boy asked Shigen, "would you like to live?"  
  
Shinji put down gently the controller, and went upstairs to do some homework.  
  
The phone rang down stairs right after he settled in his chair in his room, he sighed, and he hurried down stairs to pick it up.  
  
"Hello?" Shinji said softly into the phone.  
  
The other end was silent.  
  
"Um…hello?" Shinji asked more cautiously. "Who is this, please?"  
  
"It's me." The person said.  
  
Shinji frowned. "Is…is this Ayanami?" At least it sounded like her.  
  
The other end was silent again.  
  
"Hel…hello? Is that you Ayanami?" Shinji asked slowly.  
  
There was a long pause.  
  
"Meet me at the café 2 blocks from school at 3:00."  
  
Click! The other end died. The only sound was the beeping of the phone.  
  
Shinji held the phone to his ears, after a minute or two, he hung up.  
  
How did Ayanami know I was home? Shinji wondered. Meet her at the café around 3:00? The "conversation" had left Shinji greatly puzzled. Was that even Ayanami that talked? It sure sounded like her.  
  
Shinji checked the clock. 2:45 PM. He had better go, it would take long to get to the café without taking the bus, which never comes on time, or the subway train. He didn't feel like taking the train after what happened on the train. He paused, then ran out of the door. 


	4. Evangelion Fan fiction episode 4: Change...

Evangelion Fan fiction episode 4: Change.  
  
The black clouds had hidden the sun as Shinji ran across the last intersection before the school when the traffic light turned to green. He ran toward the only café he knows that's near the school. It turned out that there were actually two near the school, one was next to it, the other one – the one that Ayanami Rei was in, was about two blocks from the school. Shinji smacked his forehead after he walked out from the first one, and ran to the second one like a mad sprinter.  
  
"ha…ha….ha…." He tried to catch his breath as he walked into the 2nd café, the clock on the wall read 3:15. Oh no, Shinji thought, Rei must be mad, if she's even there at all!  
  
He looked around, there weren't many people in the café: an old man was reading newspaper, a lady in her late 30's was sipping on a latte, a group of 4 college women were talking and discussing their school work, or boyfriends, a couple of high school students were skipping class, and at the very end of the café, sitting there by herself near the last window, was Ayanami Rei.  
  
She was in her usual school uniform, with the shorter than regulation skirt, except this time, Shinji had actually noticed how nice and supple her thighs and calves are. He swallowed hard, with his heart pumping like a racecar's engine, he walked toward her.  
  
Rei didn't bother to look up as he approached her. Shinji stood next to the table, his hand played with his keys in his left pants pocket. "Uh…hi, Ayanami." Shinji said hesitantly. "How…is it going?"  
  
Rei looked up at him. She was smiling. "Please sit down, Shinji-kun." She said warmly.  
  
She doesn't look angry, Shinji thought, he breathed a visible sigh of relief, and sat down across from Rei. His kept his hands on his knees.  
  
Rei folded her hands after Shinji sat down. Shinji looked down at his knees for a few seconds. He was waiting for Rei to speak, when she remained silent, he looked up.  
  
Across the table, Rei was looking at him with her ruby eyes. Neither of them broke the air of silence between them for a while. The speaker was playing some soft music in the background, as other people in the store chatted, sipped coffee, or read newspaper.  
  
"Ah…"Shinji finally broke the silence, after he looked around, and shifted in his chair. "So, how are you doing in school?" He managed not to stutter.  
  
Rei continued to look at him, Shinji started to get really uncomfortable and hot, sweat started to pour down his cheeks, as he looked around. The group of college students had finished their chat, and started to leave the café.  
  
"Are you really not getting it?" Rei said suddenly. Ayanami's voice is soft and kind, like mom's. Shinji decided. She asked another question: "do you not understand?"  
  
Shinji frowned, she sounded…sad? "Ayanami, I don't know what you are talking about." He paused, her eyes are warm and inviting. Her lips are small and delicate, like a cherry. Shinji continued. "What am I not getting?"  
  
Rei sighed. She turned to look outside the window. The traffic lights had turned from green to red. She didn't answer him.  
  
Shinji was starting to settle down in his seat. But after her silence he decided to shift his weight a little, his hands folded then unfolded.  
  
Maybe she wants me to help her with something. Maybe she needs help with calculus. Or history, or physics. Shinji thought. He decided that he's going to ask her out. By pretending that he's willing to help her with her problems, he had a chance to get close to her. Just like that Love…something anime. Shinji thought.  
  
"I…" The sound surprised him when it came out of his mouth, he wasn't really prepared, "I…I want to…I mean…I…you…do you want……I mean…do you need…will you…" Rei turned to him, her eyes was cold and piercing like the Siberian winter nights, just as Shinji finally forced the last few words out: "…go out with me?" He stopped cold.  
  
Shinji's body started to shiver. Rei's cold gaze was not something a human being can take. He looked away. "I…I am sorry, I didn't mean to…"Shinji mumbled, he hung his head in shame. "Forget it, forget that I asked."  
  
Rei spoke slowly, word by word: "You really don't understand what is going on here, do you?" She continued, with a soft but deadly voice, which gave Shinji a chill up his spine: "You don't know what you are doing. You don't know what's going on, and you don't know what do you want to do. Do you?" She finally stopped.  
  
The silence between them have engulfed around them, the chill Shinji felt has spread from his back to his chest, and the icy cold feeling crawled from his neck up to his face, then his skull. The water beads dripped from his forehead seemed to have condensate on the table.  
  
He had never felt so cold and so rejected in his life. This is too much! Shinji protested silently. He didn't lift up his head.  
  
Rei sighed. Her breath had stopped sending icy chills into Shinji's heart. Her hands reached across the table.  
  
Startled, Shinji looked up. The warmth had returned to Rei's eyes, her cheek was a shade of pink. She had a gentle smile on her face.  
  
"Yes, Shinji-kun. I will go out with you." Rei said with a soft smile.  
  
What is it that you want?  
  
"Really?" Shinji said with a high-pitched voice. "You…you will go out with me?"  
  
Are you happy here?  
  
"Hai. I will comply with your request. Ikari-kun." Rei said, a little too mechanically.  
  
Shinji couldn't help it, his eyes grew bigger. "Rea…really? I mean, you will go out with me?"  
  
What is it that you need?  
  
He ignored that voice; he reached out to grab Rei's hands, she shyly lowered her head. She was still smiling.  
  
The traffic light outside had turned to green.  
  
Is this what you wanted?  
  
Shinji danced across the street, caused people to stare at him curiously. He didn't care. The sun was bright and beautiful, the dark clouds disappeared and the sky was clear, and the people were friendly. "Hey watch it, kid! Do you walk with your eyes closed?" Someone yelled at him as he ran down the street. People were talking to him!  
  
Shinji had rushed out of the store in sheer joy right after he held Rei's small and soft hands in the café. He didn't notice Toji and Kensuke were walking down the street, and so he ran right into them.  
  
The three of them stumbled and tumbled together, their limbs tangled.  
  
"Get…get the hell of me! What…what if the ladies see me like this!" Toji shouted.  
  
"Hey, don't crush my laptop, you big stupid brute!" Kensuke said.  
  
"Hmmm… hmmm…! Grt umpf meph!" Shinji said at the bottom of the pile.  
  
They heard sound of footsteps approached them. The sound stopped, and someone spoke: "Oh look, if it isn't the three stooges at it again!"  
  
The three of them stopped. After a short pause, they tried furiously to get themselves untangled, only to fell on their asses a few more times before they finally succeeded to separate themselves and got up. Six eyes focused on the girl who spoke.  
  
Asuka shook her head. "Guys, I really don't know what to say about you. I mean, if being 3 goofy idiots helps you to feel good about yourselves, that's fine with me, but now, watching you guys taking a tumble in the dirt…" She said with a sneer, "I feel so disgusted just looking at the three of you."  
  
Toji and Kensuke lowered their heads, their facial temperature raised about 100 degrees C. But Shinji retorted: "What…I mean…this is none of your business…I mean, what are you doing here?"  
  
Asuka lazily turned to him, she asked in a flat tone: "What, Mr. Shinji, you've got something to say?"  
  
Shinji felt angry, and he felt brave. He wasn't going to take it from Asuka anymore. "Look, why don't you go gossip with Hikari or something…I mean, since you have nothing better to do than picking on us?"  
  
Asuka's eyes grew to the size of baseballs, she stared at Shinji. Toji and Kensuke started to tug at Shinji's shirt. Shinji didn't even bother to look at them.  
  
"Come on, Shinji-kun, just forget it! We don't want to get her angry!" Kensuke said.  
  
"Yeah man, let's go chill somewhere else…this bitch scares me…" Toji said, he stopped cold right after Asuka gave him a look. With his hands in the air, he took a big step back.  
  
Shinji took a deep breath. He decided he's had enough of Asuka's temper tantrum. He wasn't going to back down this time. What would Rei said if she saw him back down? "You just shut up, you dateless, ugly, old hag!" Shinji yelled at her.  
  
As soon as he said that, Shinji regretted it immensely. It was not just because he's afraid of she would explode, but also because they had know each other since…since they were little kids.  
  
The damage was already done.  
  
Asuka' eyes expanded even wider, as her jaw dropped to the concrete underneath her sandaled feet. She stared at Shinji. "What…did…you…call…me?" She hissed, her whole body was charged up. Her hair seemed to have taken a life of their own, they stood up and could've strangled someone to death, if that someone wasn't careful. Shinji was not careful.  
  
Although he felt bad about calling her an 'old hag', Shinji wasn't going to back down. "You…heard me. Now go home. Don't bother us like this again." Shinji said, his voice was slightly shaky.  
  
Asuka continued to stared at Shinji, Shinji did his best to stare back. He managed not to lower his head, or look away. Toji and Kensuke stood far away from Shinji and Asuka. Both of them were too afraid to leave. They didn't bother to breath.  
  
Asuka started to shake uncontrollably. Shinji sighed, he was preparing himself for the worst. The black clouds had again engulfed the sky, as people around the four started to look for cover from the inevitable thunderstorm.  
  
This continued for a couple of minutes. The rain had started to pour down on them. All of the sudden, the sky cracked open, and a purplish blue bolt had tear through the clouds.  
  
As the thunder boomed across the sky, Asuka screamed dreadfully: "YOU ARE A TWO-TIMING, STUPID, LAZY, PATHETIC, MOTHERFUCKING JERK! I HATE YOU! I WISH YOU WERE DEAD! I WISH YOU ARE STUCK HERE FOREVER!!!"  
  
She stumped her foot as the another thunder boomed above their heads. Then, she turned around, ran like a tornado ripping through the street. After she ran for about 20 feet, she fell hard on her face, her pink dress ripped at the seams, her sandals flew. She quickly got up, and ran even faster away from Shinji barefooted, and left her sandals behind.  
  
The three stood there in the rain. Their faces frozen in shock.  
  
That night, Shinji tossed and turned every 5 seconds. He didn't eat dinner with his parents, both of them came home early that night after the school called them at their respective workplaces. Shinji didn't respond to anything they said. He vaguely remembered that father was urgently asking him about something, then mother tried to talk to him nicely, then father got angry and struck him on his face, then mother shielded him from father, then he was sent to bed by mother, after father said something about grounding. Everything had became a blur after that.  
  
The fact that Rei was willing to go out with him seemed to have slipped from his mind. What Asuka said to him didn't.  
  
Shinji tossed and turned some more as Asuka's words boomed in his head over and over again: "YOU ARE A TWO-TIMING, STUPID, LAZY, PATHETIC, MOTHERFUCKING JERK! I HATE YOU! I WISH YOU WERE DEAD! I WISH YOU ARE STUCK HERE FOREVER!!!" He flipped his body to his left. Her words boomed again: "YOU ARE A TWO-TIMING, STUPID, LAZY, PATHETIC, MOTHERFUCKING JERK! I HATE YOU!" He turned his body to the right, "I HATE YOU! I WISH YOU WERE DEAD! I WISH YOU ARE STUCK HERE FOREVER!!!" Asuka screamed in his head. "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!!!"  
  
The thunderstorm had long stopped since this afternoon. But the thunder did not stop in his head. It was dark and cloudy outside.  
  
Shinji-kun.  
  
Shinji blinked.  
  
Hang in there!  
  
"Who?" Shinji said.  
  
You are pathetic!  
  
"Asuka?"  
  
What is it that you want?  
  
Want…want?  
  
Do you want to be one with me?  
  
"Ayanami? Is that you?"  
  
Do you want to be one with me?  
  
"Mi…Misato-san?"  
  
Do you want to be one with me?  
  
"A…ASUKA!"  
  
Shinji shook his head, he then pounded on his head with both fists. Stop it! He screamed in his head, I've been through this already!  
  
I think, I was born to meet you.  
  
Shinji sprang up. That voice had came from outside of the window. He paused, then turned his head toward the direction of that voice.  
  
Shinji-kun, I think you are a great person. I don't get why anyone would ever hate you?  
  
I've never heard this line before. Shinji thought. But the voice…the voice…  
  
I love you.  
  
Shinji shuddered. This…this voice…It…it's not Misato-san's, it's not Ayanami's, it's…it's…  
  
He opened the window. He took a deep breath, and stepped out.  
  
I must find him! Shinji thought, whoever he is…he is…?  
  
Shinji found himself on the subway train.  
  
What…? "Why am I here?" Shinji asked out aloud. "What is this?"  
  
You are here because you wanted to be back here.  
  
Shinji looked at the person who spoke it. He couldn't make out his face, but his voice sounds familiar.  
  
You thought you got what you wanted, but you ended up not liking it. The voice continued. You though you could make another rosary, from scratch.  
  
"What? What do you mean, from scratch?" Shinji demanded. "I am living where I wanted to live. I have the life that I wanted to be in."  
  
But that's just it. You think this string of beads are going to hold, but it isn't holding together. The voice continued.  
  
Not holding together? "What are you saying to me? Why isn't it holding together?" Shinji said.  
  
Are you happy here?  
  
"What?"  
  
Are you happy here?  
  
"ha…happy? Am I happy here?"  
  
Are you happy here?  
  
"Ye…yes…the answer is yes." Shinji blinked, "I mean, I am happy here. People love me, they care for me. My father and my mother are both here, I have friends, and my teacher, she cares about me."  
  
So this is the way you would treat them?  
  
"What?" Shinji asked.  
  
He wasn't on the train anymore; he was in the school hallway.  
  
Misato was standing in front of him. Her warm and soft hands were on his shoulders. Her face was close to his. She was looking into his eyes. He turned away from her.  
  
I want to reach him. Misato "said." Except her lips didn't move.  
  
"I am fine, really." Shinji said. "What do you worry about me?"  
  
He doesn't understand. He thinks it's good for him.  
  
Shinji sighed. "I love my life the way it is. Why should I change?"  
  
Does he really care about others?  
  
"Of course I do." Shinji shrugged. "I talk to them, I laugh with them, and I go to school, or live in a same house with them." Shinji smiled, "I am even dating one of them!"  
  
Who do you love? Misato's voice continued. She had straightened her body, Her face was hidden in the shadows. Her hands had fallen off Shinji's shoulders.  
  
"Who…who do I love?" Shinji said, "I…love my parents, mother, father, I love them. I…love Ayanami. I…I even love Asuka." He paused, this is not going the way he wanted it to." I mean, I love my friends."  
  
Misato stepped back into the shadows. Shinji wanted to follow, but he stayed. All of the sudden, he felt desperate and closed off by her. Shinji said quickly: "I…I love you, Misato-san."  
  
That's what I said before you came here.Misato said.  
  
"Came…here…"Shinji repeated to himself. "Here…here?" Shinji shouted: "Where am I? Where is this?"  
  
He stepped forward to follow Misato.  
  
He found himself standing inside of an elevator. The door was opening. He had a ominous feeling.  
  
The door opened. Misato's body lied in a pool of her own blood. Her hand was holding a pistol. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Shinji screamed bloody murder. His hands grabbed his hair, and he started to pull them out. Misato's body seemed to have gotten closer to him. He can see her eyes. They were dead like the eyes of fish sold in a market, where the fisherman would just cut open a fish's stomach, while it stares not at the fisherman, but you, the buyer. The one that's going to eat its flesh.  
  
Shinji couldn't talk; all he could do was scream, and he couldn't stop it.  
  
Whatever this "thing" is, it isn't stopping either. Shinji fell down to his knees.  
  
Misato became alive again. Shinji was naked in her arms.  
  
I was so glad that you came back to us alive.Misato "said."  
  
I needed you. You were my man when Kaji wasn't around. Misato's voice continued. I think I loved you that way. Her tears slide down her face, but her lips didn't move.  
  
Shinji's face was pale, his arms limp in her embrace. "I just wanted to see all of you one last time." He said.  
  
So the boy remembers.  
  
Shinji blinked, he was handcuffed. He looked around, it was a large office, and there were very little lights. A beam of light focused on him. There was a figure sitting in the big chair behind the desk few feet in front of him.  
  
Shinji felt a cold shiver crawling up his spine. He knew who this was.  
  
"Fa...father!" Shinji shouted. "What…what is this?"  
  
I think you know. The figured said. Shinji couldn't see his face or lips, but he knew he was right. The man in that chair had to be Ikari Gendo, his father.  
  
"What are you doing here? Why am I handcuffed? Where is mother?"  
  
Do you know what you did?  
  
Shinji didn't said a word.  
  
Do you know what you did?  
  
"Does it matter? Whatever I did means nothing to you anyway. I did it, so fire me."  
  
So you won't work for Nerv anymore?  
  
Shinji blinked, father works for Nerv, not me! He thought. "Father, I don't know what you are talking about. Let me out of these handcuffs!"  
  
Oh, but I think you do know.  
  
Shinji found himself in a closed space about 36 square feet, he was sitting in a uncomfortable seat, and his hands were holding two handles of some kind of controlling device. The wall of the closed space…  
  
He looked up. There on the wall, was a large purplish hand holding a human being. He blinked. It wasn't a wall he was looking at; it was a monitoring screen! Only that the screen surrounded him. He looked at the human being held in the large purplish hand…  
  
Shinji screamed dreadfully. He knew him. He knew this human being, this boy.  
  
"K…K…K...Ka…Karou…kun!"  
  
You deserved to live. You had strong will to live. I desired to die. I had to.  
  
Shinji was choking with tears. "Ah…ah…no…hah….ah….no…noo….Karou-kun…" His tears fell.  
  
He realized what he was holding in his hand.  
  
But now you've created something that isn't what you needed. The boy spoke, he had a gentle smile. His voice was calm and warm, as if he was talking to a child.  
  
"What?" Shinji found himself on the subway train again. But he wasn't a passenger; he was the conductor. The train was ramming toward two boys, one was floating in the air, the other one was lying on the ground; his face was looking up.  
  
Shinji pulled hard at the brake lever, but the train was too close to the boys to stop in time. Shinji's eyes widened so much that they almost exploded through the skull, his muscles rippled under his shirt, his legs strained against the floor, but the train refuse to stop.  
  
Shinji screamed as the train ran over the first boy, the blood and bits of squished flesh splattered against the window of the train, the first boy's head flew toward the second boy, who desperately tried to move out of the way. But his body seemed to be held down by heavy chains, because he moved too slowly to get out of the train's way. He looked up at Shinji.  
  
Shinji did not want to see anymore of this, but his eyes had their own wills, they focused on that boy's face.  
  
Shinji screamed as the train ran toward his doppelganger, no, toward himself.  
  
He could not avoid the train. He was on the ground. Shinji realized that he was no longer conducting the train, he was on the ground!  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" 


	5. Evangelion Fan fiction episode 5: In pro...

Evangelion Fan fiction episode 5: In progress.  
  
Nothing.  
  
Empty space.  
  
Complete white out.  
  
He opened his eyes.  
  
It was blank. There were no trains, no bodies, no headlights, no cars, no sun, no moon, and no bed.  
  
No Karou-kun, no Misato-san, no Asuka, no Ayanami, no Father, no Mother, no Toji, no, Kensuke, No Ristuko-san…  
  
Wait…who…? He blinked. Who was the last…?  
  
He rubbed his eyes, and began to focus what was in front of him. There was someone in front of him. She was wearing a white lab coat. Her blond hair had almost blended in with the background. He couldn't see anything else on her, but the lab coat.  
  
She stood up. There was no other clothing on her other than the coat. It was not buttoned. His breath began to speed up, his pulse raced. She wasn't as full breasted as Misato was, but she was attractive enough. There was a birthmark under her left eye. In the path of her tears.  
  
Tears. He blinked. She was crying silently. Slowly she walked up to him. He stood up; his eyes were looking at hers. They kissed. Her eyes were closed, his were open. He began to run his hands over her body, underneath the lab coat. Her breath became short and labored.  
  
Wait! Shinji's thought snapped in his head. What…who…? Her hand had stopped holding around his waist. He shook his head. He wasn't in that room anymore. All of the sudden he was outside of a large glass window, on a white wall. He looked around, There were beakers, machines, construction equipments, and some other things that he did not care to identify. He was in a hall outside of that room.  
  
Shinji turned to look into the that room, through the glass window, even though he felt ashamed and didn't want to, but he desired to look.  
  
That woman in the white lab coat was holding a different man, who was wearing a black jacket and a pair black slacks. Shinji saw his face.  
  
It was Ikari Gendo's. "What…Father!" Shinji yelled despite himself. What is going on here? Mother is…still around, and Father…Father's cheating on her? Shinji looked on, he couldn't tear his eyes away from the process of the two having sex. At the same time, he was afraid of being caught and scolded by someone.  
  
He heard moans and groans in his head, but the voice did not come from inside of the room. His face was on fire, as well as another part of his body. He felt as if someone had smacked him hard on both his cheeks.  
  
He could not stand this anymore. He had to do something.  
  
"Father, stop it! Stop this now!" He pounded on the glass. The couple did not respond. "Goddamn it! What do you think you are doing? What would Mother say about this?" Shinji moaned. He looked at that woman's face. It had became clear to him.  
  
"Ri…Ristuko-san!" Shinji shouted. A flash of insight came to him. They…they've been doing this…while Mother is still alive…Ristuko- san…Father's partner in crime…  
  
No.  
  
"Who?" Shinji yelled. "Who is it?"  
  
They only exist where you want them to be.  
  
Shinji pounded harder on the glass. The movements inside the room had gotten faster. "I don't know what the hell are you talking about!" Shinji said. "Stop this! Stop this at once!"  
  
Bang! A gunshot fired from somewhere struck the woman in her chest as both partners shuddered, their bodies arched together.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Both Shinji and the woman screamed. The glass cracked and shattered across Shinji's face, he fell backward. His hands covered his face.  
  
"NO MORE!!!!" Shinji shrieked. "NO MORE DEATH! NO MORE!"  
  
A blinding white light enveloped Shinji, and he passed out.  
  
He awoke to find himself sitting in front of a rectangular stone. It said: "Ikari Yui. 1977 - 2004."  
  
Shinji stared at it. He frowned. His eyes narrowed, his mouth was slightly open. "Ikari Yui…1977 – 2004…Ikari…Yui…1977…2004…1977…2004…2004…" Shinji tightened his lips. "No!" He said aloud. "That's not true!" He shook his head violently, then he hugged his knees and sat on the ground.  
  
But it is. "Shinji" said.  
  
He looked up, another Ikari Shinji was standing behind him, with a bunch of flowers in his arm. Mother was killed. "Shinji" shook his head, and placed the flower right in front of the tombstone.  
  
Shinji stared at the flowers. They were fresh and mostly white. There were few drops of water on some of the petals. The flowers were in full bloom, and the leaves were a fresh shade of green.  
  
"Shinji" looked on as the wind blew lightly across the whole field of graves, most of them didn't have flowers or anything in front of them. The sun was bright white, there were no clouds in the sky. She has been with us since that day.  
  
"That's enough." Shinji said coldly.  
  
What? "Shinji" frowned. He sharply turned his body to Shinji.  
  
"I've had enough. Take me back." Shinji demanded. "Now."  
  
"Shinji" looked at him for a moment. He sighed.  
  
Are you sure?  
  
Shinji did not look at him. His eyes closed.  
  
"Shinji" sighed again. He lowered his head. Very well.  
  
Shinji gasped, and sat up in his bed.  
  
The alarm clock was beeping loudly on the nightstand next to his bed, it read 7:00 AM. Shinji muttered: "That was surprising." I never get up this early. He thought.  
  
The sound of approaching footsteps stopped at his door. It opened. Ikari Yui stood at the door.  
  
She sighed before she saw him. "Shinji-kun, time for school…"  
  
Shinji smiled. He breathed a visible sigh of relief.  
  
"I am up, Mother." He said with a smile.  
  
"Ara, you are up already! Well, that's great sight to see, a young man waking up early for his schooling. I am glad." Yui smiled warmly. "Well, I got to make some breakfast for your father, or he would just nag me to death! Come down when you are ready!" She turned to walk down the stairs. She paused, and turned back toward Shinji. She smiled broadly: "What do you want for breakfast, Shinji-kun?"  
  
Shinji smiled back. Today is going to be a great day, he thought.  
  
"I'll have 2 sunny-side ups and 3 strips of bacon!"  
  
His mother winked. "Good gracious! That's a big breakfast!" She turned, and walked down stairs. "I better go prepare it now. See you in a bit!"  
  
Shinji sighed then smiled. He fell backwards on his bed. It was a bright and sunny day, the sky was blue, and there were no clouds.  
  
"Really," He said. "Today is going to be a wonderful day!"  
  
Shinji finished his morning preparations, and breakfast by 7:30 AM. He said goodbye to his parents.  
  
"Don't you want to wait for Asuka-chan?" Yui asked. Gendo mumbled something behind his newspaper; the TV was on. This time the news was about fires, plane crashes, wars, and so on.  
  
"No, mom," Shinji smiled. No troubles so far, especially without Asuka messing up his morning. "I think I am just going to leave now, before I am late for class." He grabbed his lunch, and rushed out of the door, before his mother could say more.  
  
The walk to school was pretty uneventful. He didn't see Asuka, or Rei. Toji and Kensuke always ride with their parents, so they never walked. Shinji thought. He took his time, and got to the school by 7:45 AM.  
  
The class was fairly full. People stared at him as he walked in. Their eyes were wide with disbelief. Hikari came to him.  
  
"This is a surprise, Ikari-kun. You…you are not only on time today, but early!" She said with her left eyebrow raised. "What happened? Did Asuka go to your house early?" She looked at the door. There was no sight of Asuka. "Where is she, by the way?" She said with a slightly higher pitch.  
  
Shinji smiled. He said with a flat tone: "Who knows? She didn't come over to my house today. I didn't want to be late, so I left without her." He shrugged. Hikari stared at him wide eyed. "What! You didn't wait for her?" Her voice was strained, and rushed. Well, she sounded like she's angry, Shinji thought. But what do I care! He yawned, and said: "Chill out! She didn't show up at my house yesterday either, what's the big deal? She probably had a stomachache again. She should just stay home and rest, anyway." Shinji leaned back in his chair, he closed his eyes. For the first time in years, he was enjoying his morning.  
  
He didn't get to enjoy it long, however.  
  
Hikari put her hands to her hips. She yelled at him: "You really are a jerk! Don't you know what's going on here? Don't you care about her?" She gave him a dirty look, spun around, and went to talk with her friends. All the girls in the class were giving him dirty looks after his conversation with Hikari.  
  
Shinji raised an eyebrow. What's with these girls, anyway?  
  
He turned to look for Rei. She was sitting where she usually sat. Shinji's heart skipped a beat when he saw her. She didn't turn to look at him. Her eyes were focused on the outside. Shinji swallowed. I wonder if she remembers our conversation…  
  
'Yes, I will go out with you Shinji-kun.' She had said with a smile. Her hands were in his. That was yesterday. Shinji smiled. Rei sure was cute when she smiled.  
  
All of a sudden he frowned, he looked closer at his laptop. The screen of his laptop displayed Friday, year 2014.  
  
Friday? Today's Friday? Shinji thought. That's odd, I could swear today is supposed to be Thursday…"Oh well. Friday it is. In fact, that's great! Because I can ask Rei to go out with me after school!" Shinji mumbled then smiled, the corners of his mouth reached his ears.  
  
Katsuragi Misato walked into the class before everyone had settled down. Shinji realized that Asuka haven't showed up yet. He turned to look for Asuka. Her seat was empty. Shinji blinked. That's odd. Why isn't she here at class yet?  
  
…Something's wrong…Shinji thought. Why isn't she here yet? What happened to her? Something was gnawing at him, but he couldn't put his finger on it.  
  
"Ugh…my head…"Shinji mumbled. He rubbed his temple, he felt like something was trying to split his head open from the inside.  
  
"Something wrong, Shinji-kun?" Misato was looking at him with concern. "Do you need to go to the health room?"  
  
Shinji's sweat was pouring down his face, his headache had gotten worse within seconds. "Ugh…uh…sure…I mean, yes, Misato-san…Katsuragi- sensei. May I be excused?" He said. The words came out of his mouth were barely audible.  
  
Misato nodded. "Alright, you should go see the school doctor. I'll write a note to him." She sat down and quickly scribbled something on a piece of scrap paper. Shinji started to get up. But his body wobbled, and he felt back down to his seat. His lips quickly turned pale. His eyes were showing white. Cold sweat poured down his cheeks.  
  
"Oh my God, Shinji-kun!" Misato yelled, She rushed to Shinji's side. "Somebody give me a hand here!"  
  
Rei quickly went to Shinji's side, straighten him up in his seat, and then she squatted down with her back to Shinji. She grabbed his legs, and pulled him unto her back. His arms hung over her shoulders. "I'll take him to the health room." Rei said simply. She left the classroom with Shinji on her back. As she walked out of the classroom, she passed Asuka, who was just coming into the classroom.  
  
"Shinji-kun?" Asuka called out after recognizing the fainted boy. She turned to Rei. "What happened to him?" She demanded. Rei ignored her, and kept on walking.  
  
Asuka stared after the two of them, fire was burning in her eyes. Then she breathed out heavily, and sat down at her usual place in class.  
  
Shinji felt his head was burning in a furnace. Someone was adding heaps of coal to it. His whole body was melting in the searing heat.  
  
"…What…where…when…how…why…? The answer is…Kyoto…" Shinji mumbled to himself. "Mo…mother…I…I don't feel so…good…" He paused, his eyes remain closed, and his voice was getting softer. "A…Ayanami…you…are going to be a great mom…"  
  
Rei blushed. She gritted her teeth, adjusted the weight on her back, and continued to walk. She started to walk faster toward the health room.  
  
…?… Shinji thought. Where am I?  
  
He opened his eyes, he was no longer in the classroom. He was looking at a different ceiling then he used to. He tried to think about what happened. But his head hurt violently whenever he tried to think, so he just closed his eyes. "An unfamiliar ceiling. "he said softly.  
  
"Don't move." A voice said quietly.  
  
Shinji opened his eyes and turned his head toward the voice. It was Rei.  
  
"A…Ayanami…what…why am I here?" Shinji asked in a small voice. His mouth was agape. He looked at her with eyes of a five-year-old child asking for his teddy bear.  
  
"You got sick." Rei said without expression.  
  
"Sick…sick?" Shinji was going to try to remember what happened, but he grimaced, and gave up. "Why are you here?" he asked instead.  
  
"I…" Rei paused, her pale cheeks was turning a shade of pink. "I…You need to rest." She lowered head, "I…" Her cheeks turned red with blood rushed onto her face. "I've got to go back to class." She said coldly. She raised her head, and started to walk back to the classroom.  
  
"Wait…wait…Ayanami!" Shinji called after her.  
  
Rei didn't turn.  
  
"Um…what if I don't want to go back to class?" Shinji asked.  
  
"It doesn't matter." Rei said. "I'll be going back to it." Then she left the health room.  
  
Shinji lied there in his bed. He looked after her direction for a moment. Then he sighed, and closed his eyes.  
  
Sitting behind his desk, the school doctor had been writing something. He paused, his hand was holding his pen in mid air.  
  
"Kids these days…They never bother to tell each other their feelings." He muttered. He put down his pen on the table gently, and slowly walked out of the room. He left the chart on his table.  
  
Shinji enjoyed the rest of the morning, his headache had subsided, and he had a smile on his face. He didn't curl into his usual fetal position. The room was quiet, there were only noises of birds chirping outside. The sun had gently filled the room through the open windows. The air was fresher than usual, and he could smell flowers and freshly mowed grass.  
  
The doctor came to check on him once or twice, for all the headache and fever Shinji went through, the doctor only told him to just relax, drink more water, and rest for a bit more, and that Shinji could leave by the end of the day.  
  
Well, I am feeling great. Shinji thought. Anyways, I wouldn't want to stay here. He looked out of the window. The sun was smiling in the middle of the sky. There were still no clouds and everything was so bright and beautiful. The wind sang softly as the flowers and tree branches joined in a harmony. The bees and butterflies danced through the air, while the dragonflies chased each other, eager to be with the right mates before the thunderstorms come. But the storms were nowhere in sight.  
  
Ring…ring…! Shinji was startled by the sound of the alarm clock, he sat up in bed, and started to look for his book bag. He paused, and laughed softly to himself. "I am at school." He mumbled to himself. But then, why is it an alarm clock just went off?  
  
The doctor went to turn off the alarm clock. The sound of the students filled the hallway simultaneously as the school bell also rang at the same time as the alarm.  
  
The doctor smiled. "Time for lunch!" He turned to Shinji, "Do you want to go get something to eat? You are practically fine now."  
  
Shinji thanked the doctor, and asked for some painkiller, after getting a sample package of two, he rushed out of the health room. He hoped that he never have to see a doctor about his problems again. 


	6. Evangelion Fan fiction episode 6: Love m...

Evangelion Fan fiction episode 6: Love me. Love you. Love your life.  
  
Shinji had air under his feet when he walked toward the classroom to get his backpack, which was left behind when he was taken to the health room. He didn't know or cared to remember what happened before he was in the health room, who took him there, and why Rei was there with him when he woke. But he was glad that she was there.  
  
Nobody was in the class when he waltzed in. The clock read 12:05 PM. Oh well, Shinji thought to himself. I guess everyone went out to lunch. He had guessed that Rei would've stayed in class – she wasn't a very sociable person, and she never went outside to eat, even on a beautiful and sunny day such as this one. Shinji danced to his seat, and reached his hand into the backpack.  
  
"Hey, Mr. Idiot, forgotten your lunch again?" The voice came from behind him. The girl said with a snicker.  
  
Shinji sighed. He knew who it was. She wasn't exactly the person he was hoping to run into. "Asuka…why can't you be nice to me for once?" He said without turning to look at her. He had wanted to talk to her about her absence from his house for the past 3 days, and her late arrival today at the school, but after their last talk in the middle of the study hall period on Wednesday, he didn't want to get yelled at again.  
  
Shinji expected her to sneer. She didn't disappoint him. "Nice? You are asking me to be nice to you?" Asuka shook her head. "you don't understand what's going on here, do you?"  
  
Once again, someone telling me I don't understand. Shinji thought with great annoyance. It was Rei who told me this, and now Asuka too…and…and…someone else…Shinji's temples started to throb again. This was getting a lot less pleasant than he had hoped. He sighed again. "Asuka, look…I…well…you…I don't think I really understand you at all…maybe we can talk about this later?" She cut him off with a loud laugh: "Ha! I knew it, you are just running away, aren't ya? I am trying to have a serious conversation with you, and you want to put this off till later." She paused, she stood akimbo, "Are you stupid? Why do you think I come and talk to you anyway?"  
  
Shinji's right hand curled into a fist, the pain in his temples was becoming unbearable. "Asuka…please…don't…" He said hoarsely.  
  
"Whatever. Say, what happened to you on Thursday, anyway? I didn't see you at school at all. Did you bother to show up? Did I 'traumatize' you? Well, you started it, I mean," Asuka paused, she looked like she was trying to smile, but her smiled looked like a smirk, "you called me a…"  
  
"THAT'S ENOUGH! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Shinji didn't want to yell, but his felt like someone was trying to stick needles into his head, and with Asuka's incessant yapping, his head was going to explode. He sighed silently. His hands held his face. "I…I am sorry…I didn't meant to yell…can you just leave me alone?" He mumbled.  
  
Shinji heard Asuka's breathing. It was hard and heavy. He imagined that she was going to yell at him. He sighed silently again.  
  
…sniff…sniff…Her breath was getting short and intermittent. Crying? Shinji thought. Is Asuka crying? No…She's way too strong to cry. She's probably just caught a cold…that's why I didn't see her at my house Wednesday…and today…but yesterday…  
  
His head throb had subsided after he yelled at her, but now it's starting to hurt again. Forget it. Who cares anyway? She's probably going to yell at me any minute now.  
  
Shinji braced himself for the worst. It didn't come. Thump! Shinji heard the sound of a foot stomping the ground, then a series of footsteps went away from where he was squatting.  
  
"Asuka?" Shinji said with his eyes closed. "Asuka? Aren't you going to yell at me?" He waited, and hesitated for a few seconds. Then he took his hands of his face, and looked up. She was not in the classroom.  
  
He frowned. That's odd. She didn't yell at me, and she…left? Shinji's mouth opened as he scratched his head, and looked around the room. Yep, she's gone alright. Shinji took a deep breath, and let it out. "What a relief!" He said out aloud. He started to walk out of the class, he was looking for someone else to be with. He took a few steps and then, he blinked and stopped. He felt his face with his hand. He felt wetness. Tears? Shinji blinked again. But I didn't cry…I mean, I am sure I didn't cry. Did Asuka…? No. Asuka never, ever cries. I've never seen her cry all my years of knowing her…I don't remember seeing her cried when we were kids…  
  
He shook his head. It's not important. Whatever is wrong with her, she will have to deal with it on her own anyway, just like me with my problems. Shinji thought. He took another deep breath, and hurried out of the classroom. He smiled. Time to find Ayanami and eat with her.  
  
He pranced and glided through the hallway, while his headache had disappeared, and his body temperature stopped rising, after a few big gulps of Pocari (a Japanese sports drink). He went through the track field, climbed up the small hill behind the swimming pool, and finally found Rei.  
  
She was sitting by herself on the bleachers next to the school track field. There were other students there: a few first year students, some second year students, and a group of 3rd year ones (Japanese junior high schools are 3 years, as well as their high schools, their junior high seniors are the equivalent of US high school freshmen). Most of them were sitting in pairs. The pairs were whispering to each other, and sharing food by feeding each other. Some were kissing, while others were holding hands.  
  
Rei was sitting all the way at the other end, nobody was within 10 feet of where she sat. Shinji started to walk toward her, while he checked out some of the couples. By the end of the day, he was hoping that he would be holding Rei's hand, just like the two 2nd year student couple who sat about 5 rows under Rei. Some people left while others came. Not one person said hi or waved to Ayanami Rei. Nobody came on the bleachers from her side.  
  
This is perfect, Shinji thought, no one is going to disturb us!  
  
The sky was still blue, but some clouds had covered the sun. A flock of crows flew by Shinji's head as he made his way toward Rei.  
  
Rei didn't look up at him. Her lunchbox was empty. It looked oddly shiny and spotless inside.  
  
Shinji gulped. The lunch his mother made had better work…"Hi Rei, can I sit here?' Shinji said, he was standing a few feet away from her. His right hand was holding on to his lunch box by the cloth that his mother painstakingly tied around the box, his knuckles were showing white, and he curled and uncurled his left fist.  
  
Rei looked up, she smiled wanly. "Sit down, Ikari-kun." Then she turned to look at the field.  
  
Shinji swallowed, I mustn't run away this time…without a confirmation for a date! "Ah…Ayanami…I…uh…um…How are you today?" He mentally kicked himself. That was a great opener. Way to go Shinji.  
  
Rei didn't look at him. She continued to stare at the track field. Shinji looked down, and sighed silently. This isn't going to work. He thought gloomily. If only I wasn't such an idiot…Asuka…she would've call me an idiot…  
  
Asuka? Shinji blinked, why am I thinking about her at a time like this? He shook his head. Then he smelled something. Jasmine? Shinji thought. Did the wind had blew the smell of Rei's perfume to my nose? This…this could be a sign! Ok! I should take some courage. Oddly, the theme song of the "21st Century World Savior" started to play in his head: "Be strong, young man, as the wind brings the message of courage to you, charge! Charge forward and be strong! Be courageous! Win! Victory!!!"  
  
"Alright! I will have victory!" Shinji shouted loudly. He raised his right hand, which held the lunch box, triumphantly.  
  
He mentally choked himself as everyone on the bleachers turned to look at him, their eyes widened, some had food in their mouths as everyone else's mouths were agape. The whole field had become deathly quiet. There was no cricket chirping, no people talking, and no wind blowing, except a few crows flew over Shinji's head, 'hah…hah…hah…" they "laughed" at him.  
  
Shinji's face became as red as the lava from a volcano when it erupts. Rei didn't turn around and look at him. She was looking at the crows.  
  
"Ah…so…so…so sorry! I am very sorry!" Shinji got up and apologized to everyone. People had turned and muttered to themselves. Nobody paid any attention to his apologies. He sat back down. He lowered his head, his face was as red as a ripe tomato.  
  
"Shinji-kun…Shinji-kun!" Shinji barely lifted his head. Toji and Kensuke were waving at him. "Shinji-kun, come down here for a moment." Kensuke "whispered." Toji was trying valiantly not laugh too hard.  
  
Shinji turned to look at Rei, who was looking at her lunch box. He hesitated, then rushed down the bleachers to meet his smiling buddies. He sighed. "what do you guys want?"  
  
Toji cocked an eyebrow. "What? What type of attitude is that toward your best pals in the world?"  
  
Kensuke smiled. "Hey man, that was so 'smooth', it was like butter!"  
  
"Butter?" Toji retorted. "That's too lame of a comparison. It was so smooth, it was silky!"  
  
"Silky?" Kensuke said. "That's a bad one, listen to this one, Shinji was so smooth; he was smooth like a baby's butt!!!"  
  
Shinji sighed loudly, and he held his forehead. "Guys, if you have nothing better to do than making yourselves sound even lamer than I was up there, then I am leaving." He shook his head, and started to walk away.  
  
Toji grabbed his shoulder, and spun him around. He made Shinji almost knocked over Kensuke. "Watch it! You muscle monkey!" Kensuke protested. Shinji steadied himself, he complained: "Guys, can't you at least let me escape with my dignity intact?" He turned to look at the people on the bleachers, some couples were leaving. Rei didn't move an inch. He breathed a sigh of relief. "I don't think she noticed my faux pas."  
  
"Of course she noticed!" Kensuke whipped out his cam. "Or at least I am going to show it to her!" Shinji's eyes got as big as rice balls. He made a grab for the cam. Toji grabbed him instead. "Not so fast, buddy-boy. This is not about the awful performance you just had, it's about how to get Rei to say 'yes'."  
  
Kensuke put away his cam, and instead, he whipped out a book. "Ta-da! Dr. Akagi's one hundred and one advices on love!" He spoke in a really bad British accent, and he held up his left hand with the palm facing forward. His right hand held the book like a Shakespearian actor holding a script, and 'proclaimed': " Rule number one – Thou shall not go to a girl unless thou are absolutely confident. Rule number two – Thou shall speak loudly, and succinctly. Rule number three…" Shinji smacked his forehead. This is just great. Kensuke is reading off some stupid book by someone who probably has no clue why people fall in love, or how people fall in love, while the clock is ticking away! The lunchtime is almost over! Shinji thought miserably. What would Asuka say if she sees me like this?  
  
He shook violently. Now is not the time to think about Asuka! "Look, guys, this is very interesting, but…" He mumbled, "but I have to go."  
  
Kensuke and Toji stood close to Shinji, both of them whispered: "Go for it, tiger!" Kensuke waved his cam, "I'll tape this for prosperity!"  
  
Shinji sighed loudly. Idiots. How the hell did I ended up having these guys as friends? He hurried back and made his way up the bleachers.  
  
Rei was packing up her lunchbox, she was about to leave. Shinji braced himself, then walked up to her. "A…Ayanami, I need to ask you something."  
  
"Yes, Ikari-kun?" Rei's ruby eyes looked deep into Shinji's eyes. I can see myself in them…Shinji thought.  
  
"Um…you…would you…"Shinji gulped hard.  
  
"The class is starting." Rei said, she started to walk pass by Shinji.  
  
"Ah…Ayanami, wouldyougooutwithmetodayafterschoolplease?" Shinji managed to spill the words out all at once with a high-pitched voice. His face was ruby red. His breathing was labored.  
  
The whole field was silent. The sky had turned slightly gray with clouds.  
  
Toji and Kensuke watched from a far, they did not dare to breath.  
  
Rei was silent.  
  
Shinji's eyes drilled into her face. Her lips didn't move.  
  
If she says 'no', then I'll just apologize, and not never bother her again…I hope she says yes, though…Shinji silently prayed. Oh Kami-san, please let her say yes…  
  
Rei took a deep breath. Toji and Kensuke followed suit.  
  
She breathed out, they held their breath.  
  
She continued to look at Shinji.  
  
He felt his head was getting heavier and heavier, he really wanted to hang his head in shame. Oh well. I expected a 'no' anyway…Shinji thought.  
  
"I'll tell you after school." Rei said quickly, then she turned, and hurried off to her class.  
  
She seems to walk a little faster than usual, and she seems to be prancing. Shinji thought. But he wasn't sure.  
  
Toji and Kensuke breathed a heavy sigh of relief. They got next to Shinji faster than a bullet train. "What did she say, what did she say?" Both of them asked breathlessly.  
  
Shinji sighed. "I don't know. I guess I'll find out after school." Then he walked off the bleachers, and left his friends' frantic questions unanswered.  
  
Toji and Kensuke looked at each other for a moment, they both shrugged, and left the field.  
  
Asuka came out from under the bleachers. Her face was red. He eyes were getting watery. She paused, no tears came. Instead, she punched a tree next to the bleachers, and then she stormed away.  
  
The rest of Friday went by slower than a snail trying to climb Mt. Fuji as Shinji waited anxiously for the end of the day. He didn't care about the lessons Misato was teaching, or the dirty looks from the girls in the class, except Rei and Asuka. Misato called on him 3 times, and every time he either had a blank look, or said something really stupid. People kept laughing at him, but he didn't give a damn. His screen had flashed non- stop; he was bombarded with messages from Toji and Kensuke, but he didn't bother to reply. Other than his thoughts about Rei, the only other thing Shinji did was looked at Asuka.  
  
Asuka had not talked to him since lunchtime. But instead of a sense of relief, Shinji felt a nagging sense of…regret? He wasn't sure. There was something else that bothered him, too. Something that Asuka said…something about Shinji called her…  
  
"Ara, Shinji-kun, I see you are focused on the text, as usual." Misato said sarcastically. Shinji quickly looked up at her. Misato looks great, as usual. He thought. That red Chinese dress looks great on her…but why does come to school dressed so nicely anyways? Shinji frowned. "Ah…sorry, Katsuragi-sensei. I...I…was just…"Shinji stuttered. Misato had already turned to the board. She wrote "anxiety" on the board, and underlined it. Shinji lowered his head and typed it on his blank laptop screen. He paused to look at the date. It said Friday, alright. The time was 4:15 PM.  
  
"Whew…"He mumbled to himself, "almost time to go." He looked at Rei, who was looking up at the board. He continued to stare at her. She didn't look at his direction at all. Although the corners of her mouth did seem to move up a little. Shinji turned his eyes back to the board. But he stole looks at Rei. And he stole looks at Misato's figure. Her body made the dress looked skin-tight.  
  
Ring…ring….The final bell rang, which brought about a big sigh of relief from everyone in the class, including Misato. Shinji noticed the expansion and the contraction of her chest. His screen flashed, a message appeared on the screen: "Mr. Idiot, I need to talk to you right now. Get over here!" The message didn't have a signature.  
  
Shinji sighed, Misato-san sure is hot. He smiled to himself, and closed the laptop. Click! He turned off the power without saving the messages.  
  
He smiled with the corners of his mouth reached his ears. He started to walk toward Rei, and passed Asuka without looking at her direction. "Bye Asuka. See you tomorrow." He said.  
  
Asuka stood there, her body shook like a leave in a hurricane. She looked at Shinji, her mouth opened a little, then she quickly closed it. Shinji's eyes were glued to Rei's face. Asuka spun around, and left the class liked a storm.  
  
Shinji braced himself as he stood next to Rei. She looked up at him.  
  
"Ah…Ayanami…well…"Shinji stuttered. "Um…well?"  
  
Rei looked down at her backpack. Her face matched the color of her eyes.  
  
After five minutes, Ayanami Rei left the class, alone. Toji and Kensuke stuck around, they waited outside of the class for Shinji to come out. After another minute, Shinji slowly walked out of the classroom. He was looking down at the ground.  
  
Toji and Kensuke both sighed. They walked up to him.  
  
"Ah…Shinji-kun…I…I am sorry for you…"Kensuke said.  
  
"Hey buddy, cheer up!" Toji said. "I mean…there are other fish in the sea. She isn't that great anyway." He smacked Shinji's back.  
  
Shinji sighed. He looked up at them. "Yeah, I guess this is it." He paused, then sighed again deeply. "She told me to meet her at the café two blocks from the school in 30 minutes."  
  
Both Toji and Kensuke sighed with him. "We are sorry…". They stopped and frowned. Both of them opened their mouths wide, their jaws dropped to the floor. "Wait a minute!" Toji said, "You…you mean…" A devious smile was beginning to show on Shinji's face. Kensuke stared at Shinji, his face scrunched up for a few seconds…"Hey! You've tricked us! You jerk!" He hit Shinji in the chest. But he was smiling. "You asshole! You had us worried for a second!"  
  
Shinji laughed out aloud, he never laughed out aloud much. "Yeah, sorry guys, I just had to…" His words cut short by Toji's headlock. Toji yelled: "Hey, Kensuke, give me a hand here! Let's keep this punk here so that he can't go see Ayanami!"  
  
The three of them laughed and wrestled for a bit, all three of them sat down after the "wrestling match" and laughed their heads off. Their voices vibrated through out the hallway. The whole school had joined them in their laughter.  
  
"This is the way my life is supposed to be." Shinji thought, he laughed harder. "This is great! I think I can really accept myself in this life! I am loving it!" 


	7. Evangelion Fan Fiction Episode 7: Be wit...

Evangelion Fan Fiction Episode 7: Be with me/Abandonment.  
  
Shinji ran anxiously as the clock on top of Nerv's HQ building displayed 4:40 PM. The streets were more crowded then usual. Nobody paid any attention to Shinji while he looked up at the sky. Blue and cloudless, He thought, perfect weather for a perfect date!  
  
"Stupid! You really are stupid!" A girl said as he ran passed by her. Shinji was stunned; he turned to look at her. Asuka? He thought.  
  
The words came from a dark haired girl who was chatting and joking with her friends. They stopped giggling amongst themselves when they realized Shinji was looking at them. They looked at him for a split second when he slowed down next to them, and they turned to each other, and they giggled and snickered in unison.  
  
Shinji's face was red with sweat. "Ah…so…soo…sorry! I am very sorry!" He turned and hurried pass them. As he passed them they laughed harder. Shinji lowered his head. I hope Asuka doesn't know these girls, if she does, they might tell her about this idiot they saw on the street, and I would be teased to death! Shinji thought in shame. He kept running.  
  
"Damn it! Damn it! I am really going to be late!" Shinji said impatiently; he stopped at the red light that said, "don't walk!" He curled and uncurled his right fist. He had changed out of his uniform, and was wearing a new shirt with a large "NERV" on the front. The shirt did cost him 2200 yen, but he thought it looked good on him. The jeans also had the logo on the side of it. Shinji sighed, and adjusted his jeans. He then moved his left leg a couple of times.  
  
Man, this is too tight for me! Shinji thought. I hope Rei will like it, though. As he looked up from the "Nerv" logo on his jeans, he noticed another "Nerv" logo, and another, and another… The light changed from "don't walk!" to "walk!" Shinji breathed a sigh of relief, and started to run again.  
  
He saw the Nerv logo everywhere as he ran. Clothing boutiques were selling new designer "Nerv" shirts and blouses, all for prices that students like Shinji really can't afford. Some 2,500,000 yen luxury car parked on the side of the street had whole Nerv logo: a leaf on top of the word "Nerv" on its hood; in convenience stores, the "Nerv" sports drinks were out- selling Pocari ones. Shinji looked at his 6 months old sneakers. It's time to get a pair of "Nervs". He thought. They are simply better.  
  
He had never realized how popular his father's company is with the people in Tokyo-3 until today. Huh. Shinji thought, that's interesting. "Nerv, the future of this world." A female announcer said on a commercial shown on a TV inside an electronic boutique.  
  
Shinji blinked, he felt a sudden chill crawled up his spine, his neck started to tingle. "Nerv…the future of this world…Nerv…the future…this world…" Shinji repeated in a low voice. The announcer continued: "You can be part of it, too! You can be the future of this world…" The blood vessels in Shinji's head were starting to expand.  
  
Two girls walked by, one of them commented: "Ugh, what a cheesy commercial. I wish these guys, whoever they are, would come up with better lines." The other girl murmured in agreement. Shinji held his forehead. He looked up at them as they walked by. Both their purses had "Nerv" logos on them, in different places. The two girls continued to walk on their way. Then they stopped in front of a convenience store where the owner placed a cooler in front of it, it was full of "Nerv" sports drinks. While the storeowner wasn't looking, the two of them each picked up a Nerv sports drink from inside the cooler, and they quickly walked away without paying.  
  
Shinji shook his head. The pain seemed to subside a little. I could use a sports drink right now, but I am not going to steal…He sighed. He ran to the store, and bought a bottle of Pocari, he paused, thought to himself for a second, and bought another one. He ran faster than before, the clock on the Nerv HQ showed 4:48 PM.  
  
"Screw my father's company, screw Nerv!" Shinji said loudly. He ignored the frowns of other pedestrians, and hurried on.  
  
Do you know what you are doing?  
  
"What?" Shinji said. He looked around, this time, no one looked at him. He kept running.  
  
Why are you doing this?  
  
"Who's talking to me?" Shinji shouted. Another group of girls was walking by, but none of them were paying any attention to him.  
  
What is it that you want?  
  
"Shut up!" Shinji yelled. Still nobody turned to look at him. He ran faster.  
  
Finally, he arrived at the café. The clock read 4:52 PM.  
  
Shinji breathed heavily. He looked around the café for Rei. There were more customers than Wednesday, when Shinji had skipped class. But the café wasn't crowded. Most of the people were students from near by schools. There were some older folks, some college students, and a red haired girl who sat by herself.  
  
Shinji's heart sank. No, it can't be…  
  
Asuka sat by herself on the left side in the café, by the window. She was sitting where Rei sat last time. Shinji almost stopped breathing. Right now, I really don't want to see her! He quickly walked pass the dividing screen that separated the right side from the left, and once he got to the right side in the café, he quickly found a table behind the screen. He didn't see Rei. Rei isn't here yet…I hope she doesn't see Asuka and vice- versa… Shinji prayed silently. Oh Kami-san please don't let them see each other…  
  
The front door slid open. A light blue-haired girl walked in. She paused in front of the counter, and looked around. Because Shinji was sitting behind the screen, she didn't notice his face peeking out from behind it, instead, her eyes rested on the red-haired girl.  
  
Gulp! Uh-oh. Shinji thought. Drops of sweat fell from his forehead. This is not good…  
  
Asuka looked up, her eyes locked with Rei's.  
  
Asuka's eyes grew. Her eyes were the burning surface of the sun. She got up, and slowly walked toward Rei.  
  
Rei's eyes narrowed. Her eyes were the frozen nights of Antarctica. She stayed where she was.  
  
Toji and Kensuke appeared out of nowhere, they sat down across the table from Shinji, and held their breaths. "What the…where you guys come from?" Shinji whispered.  
  
Toji whispered: "Dude, whenever these two scary ladies face each other, bad shit happens!" Kensuke joined in: "Shinji-kun, I think you are in big trouble…" Shinji curled and uncurled his right fist. These guys are really helpful, telling me something I knew. He thought sourly. Why is Asuka here anyway?  
  
The two women stood toe to toe. They stared at each other with armor piercing gazes. Neither made a move, or said a word. Some customers in the café were leaving. They stayed far from these two when they left the café. The owner disappeared from behind the counter. The chattering in the café stopped. "I think these two are scaring people out of the café." Toji mumbled. "Shhh!" Kensuke said, his right index finger to his lips.  
  
Asuka smirked. "So, what are you doing here, Wonder girl?" She put her hand to her hips.  
  
"It's none of your business." Rei said with an icy tone. Her face was carved in stone.  
  
"Oh really?" Asuka snickered. "You think I don't know why you are here?" She raised her voice: "I know why you are here! You are going on a date with Shinji, aren't you?"  
  
Shinji's heartbeats almost stopped. How…how did she know?  
  
"I saw you guys on the bleacher today. He asked you out, didn't he?" Asuka's voice trembled. "Well, didn't he?" She screamed.  
  
"…" Rei simply stood there. Her body looked like a stone statue.  
  
"Answer me!'  
  
"…"  
  
"You…you…!"  
  
"What do you care? Do you like him?" said Rei, her tone didn't change.  
  
"Ha! Me? Liking Mr. Idiot, that perverted jerk? No way." Asuka sneered. She crossed her arms around her chest. Shinji winced. Asuka's nastier than usual…  
  
"You are just fooling yourself. If you don't open up to him, he won't respond to you." Rei said quietly.  
  
"Oh, I get it! Now you are going to tell me how to deal with Mr. Idiot, aren't ya?" Asuka's voice was dripping with sarcasm. "Well, if you want to date that pervert, go right ahead. This has nothing to do with me." She turned, and started to leave.  
  
Shinji sighed silently, so Asuka does hate me after all. He thought bitterly.  
  
"You are just as self absorbed as him. You two would make a great couple." Rei said without emotions.  
  
Smack! Asuka suddenly spun around and struck Rei on her face. Shinji, Toji, and Kensuke winced at the same time. The impact almost knocked Rei off her feet. But she regained her balance. She never took her eyes off Asuka's face.  
  
"You…you wind-up doll! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!!!" Asuka screamed, and she stormed out of the café.  
  
The whole café was silent. People stared at Rei. She just stood there. Her eyes became empty.  
  
Shinji hesitated, he poked his head out from behind the screen, and looked around. Then he stepped out from behind the screen: "Ah…Ayanami…please don't be angry with Asuka, she's…" Rei didn't look at him. She turned, and stared to walk out of the door. "…her stomach hurts…" Shinji said with a blush, but Rei was gone.  
  
Toji and Kensuke came out from behind the screen, both of them gave Shinji a pat on the back, and they left the café. "We are sorry." was all they said before they left.  
  
Shinji was alone in the café. He looked around him, people were talking, reading newspaper, drinking lattes, and none of them paid any more attention to where he stood. More people came in, and settled into different seats. A group of first year junior high students came in, and took the table where Asuka was sitting. Some others sat at the table where Shinji, Toji and Kensuke sat and hid.  
  
Shinji recognized most them. But none of them waved at him, or said "hi" to him when they came in. The owner had appeared behind the counter again, he was typing something into his computer.  
  
The waitress came up to Shinji, and handed him a bill for 450 yen. "You know that red-haired girl, right?" She said, then she went to serve the table with the first year students.  
  
Shinji didn't open his mouth. He felt numbness all over his body.  
  
He walked to the counter, pulled out 500 yen, and left the money on the counter. Then he walked out. The owner didn't bother give him change.  
  
The black clouds were filling up the sky as Shinji walked with his shadow as companion, through the streets of Tokyo-3. Most people were running around, hiding under roofs and inside buildings. The sky was turning from gray to black. His thoughts were stormy.  
  
It isn't holding together.  
  
Do you really love them?  
  
Do you know what you are doing?  
  
I was trying to reach him, but…  
  
They only exist where you want them to.  
  
If you don't open up to them, they won't respond.  
  
What is it that you want in life?  
  
"SHUT UP!" Shinji screamed; a thunder boomed in the sky above his head. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT IT ANYWAY?"  
  
Rain had started to pour down from heaven. The raindrops soaked his clothes. He raised his face to the stormy sky, he felt the sting on his face.  
  
"What did I do wrong? Why is this happening to me? What is it that I am not doing right?" Shinji yelled at the heavens. But there were no voices to answer him. His head did not hurt, and he wasn't dreaming. "I can't accept this. What is it that you are trying to tell me?" He continued to shout, but except the sound of rain fell on everything, and him, his head was silent.  
  
His eyes were a blur. The sound of rain had started to get louder. He glanced at the city and its people without looking at them.  
  
There was no city.  
  
He blinked.  
  
There were no humans.  
  
He blinked again.  
  
No cars, no people, no birds, no buildings.  
  
…wait, there were buildings, just…they were ruins of buildings. Shinji thought. He shrugged. He kept on walking.  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT OF SHOWING ME THIS? WHY?" Shinji screamed again, his hands curled into fists. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"  
  
He paused, and pulled himself back a step. He was on an edge of a crater. He didn't care to know how big was it exactly, but he was sure it was bigger than the size of his school.  
  
The rain continued to pound him, he looked down at the crater, and it was being filled with the rain. Something…something was wiggling…squishing…squirming…  
  
He strained his eyes to look at the contents inside the crater.  
  
Not…not again! Shinji fell back. The rain in the crater had turned into a yellowish liquid. The pace of his breath started to speed up, his pulse began to race.  
  
He wasn't near the crater anymore. He was standing inside of a room.  
  
The whole room was blue. The color was almost a dreamy shade of blue, but it was rather depressing. Either the interior lighting made the room blue, or the outside weather had. He wasn't sure.  
  
There were some dead flowers in a vase near the bed. On the bed was Asuka. She was lying facing away from him. There were things hooked up to her that he didn't want to know what they were. She didn't move.  
  
Shinji shuddered. The whole room smelled like anesthetics, and blood. He looked at her again. He frowned. Her position changed, and she was then facing up at him, her eyes were open. Shinji thought about the eyes of fish sold in a market. He shivered, he saw these eyes somewhere else, too. Where? He wondered. All of a sudden, his pulse raced faster. Asuka…she was…Shinji shied away from her naked form, but he turned to look at her again. She had only a pair of white panties on. His eyes opened wide. His breath became short and fast.  
  
Ha…ha…ha…ha…ha…ha…ha…ha! He stopped breathing for a second. Hm…mmm…  
  
He sighed deeply. He paused. He lowered his head. Then he looked at his right hand.  
  
The palm was filled with LCL.  
  
He raised his head suddenly. The rain had been pouring on him non-stop. He was on the streets of Tokyo-3 again. He looked down at his right hand. It was wet with water.  
  
"I am so disgusting." He whispered.  
  
He hung his head as he walked toward the bus station. He walked under the billboard with the "Men and Women of Nerv" advertisement on it. He looked up. Katsuragi Misato was standing in the middle, she was saluting something in the distance with a man, and a woman.  
  
"Mi…Misato-san…" Shinji murmured, he looked deep into the eyes of the woman on the billboard. His eyes were slightly unfocused. "Help…help…me."  
  
The "Misato" on the billboard was smiling. Shinji thought. She looks so happy, so full of life. She's so…beautiful…Shinji held a dreamlike gaze toward her face. He reached out to "her". His hands just barely touched her face. She was still smiling.  
  
Shinji-kun. "Misato" said with a smile. She was no longer saluting the distance, she was saluting him.  
  
"Ye…yes…Misato-san…" Shinji responded.  
  
I will take you out for a big steak. You going to love it!  
  
"Ye…yes…Misato-san…, let's go out somewhere…"  
  
Do you like what you are doing?  
  
"Ye…yes…Misato-san, I do…"  
  
Hang in there!  
  
"Yes…I will. Misato-san."  
  
Do you want to be one with me?  
  
"I…I want to…"  
  
"Misato" was no longer wearing a red jacket and a black dress underneath. She was wearing a pink tank top with shoulder strings, a pair of jean shorts, and she was barefoot. She smiled at Shinji, and walked up to him. She reached out with her hands, and held his face close to hers.  
  
They were standing in a room, there was a TV, a set of sofas, a penguin clock, a small table, and lots of beer cans. Their faces were inches away from each other's.  
  
Heh, she laughed, welcome home, Shinji!  
  
He smiled. She kissed him deep on the lips.  
  
His body turned into a fireball. His head was getting incinerated. His hands were burning.  
  
Hands?  
  
He was no longer with Misato. He was standing next to a huge container.  
  
Shinji was turning a red-hot metallic handle with both hands, he screamed, but then he suppressed his pain, and kept on turning. He quickly opened the hatch to the container.  
  
Light came forth from inside the container. He took a deep breath, and crawled in.  
  
Ayanami Rei was sitting when he came in, she opened her eyes.  
  
Shinji smiled. He slowly crawled up to her. Rei smiled brightly. She reached out with her arms, and he with his, they held each other tightly. Shinji looked deep into Rei's eyes. Her eyes were closed, she offered her lips to him. He smiled, and closed his eyes. He took her lips with his. Her hand felt his back, while his explored her body, outside the tight white cat suit with markings she was wearing.  
  
"Oh Rei…I want to be one with you…" Shinji moaned. He felt some wetness on his face.  
  
…tears…? Shinji thought. He was no longer kissing Rei. He opened his eyes a little. He felt water drops fell on his face.  
  
…red hair…? Shinji's eye sight were a blur, but he thought he saw someone with red-hair. He tried to opened his eye lids wider, but his body ached, and his head and eyes were burning, so he closed them again..  
  
The last thing he heard before he lost consciousness was someone's sobbing… 


	8. Evangelion Fan Fiction Episode 8: Lookin...

Evangelion Fan Fiction Episode 8: Looking at yourself / Life as…  
  
Shinji opened his eyes; he found he was in bed.  
  
"Again?" He said out aloud. He sighed, and shook his head. For the past few days every time I wake up something bad happens. He looked around cautiously. There were no signs of anything strange happening, no people staring at him with animosity, no Misato-san standing over him with disapproval in her eyes, no classmates teasing and laughing maniacally at him, no Ayanami looking at him with empty eyes, no Asuka throwing an alarm clock at him…  
  
"Asuka!" Shinji yelled despite himself. "Asuka? Where are you?" His own yelling stunned him. Shinji quickly covered his mouth.  
  
Ugh. He sighed. Now why did I have to do that? If she is around, she is going to come in and bother the hell out of me for sure. That girl just doesn't leave you alone sometimes…but it feels strange for me to wake up in a bed without Asuka standing and yelling at me…  
  
"Ah, you are awake." A woman in white said. A bright light shone above her head. Shinji blinked, and covered his eyes. Now what? Am I dead, and have gone to heaven? He shook his head violently. The woman looked a little unsure of herself. "Ah…um…how are you feeling?"  
  
"Oh," Shinji mumbled. He recognized her, or rather, her nurse uniform. "I…I am…doing fine, thank you…" Shinji held his forehead; it was cool to the touch. "Where am I…?" Shinji mentally kicked himself; of course I am in a hospital! "I meant, how did I get here?"  
  
"Ah." The nurse smiled. "You don't have a clue?"  
  
"Uh…" Shinji frowned. "Should…should I?" He shook his head. My thought is a complete mess, and…where the hell was I before here anyway? He shook harder, but he couldn't clear all the cobwebs in his head.  
  
"Well," The nurse continued, "she sent you to the ER, said you've been in the rain for God knows how long, and she was worried that you may have gotten pneumonia. Usually, in a healthy young teenage guy such as yourself, the chance of it happening is slim, so we told her to relax, and…"  
  
"She? I mean, I am sorry to interrupt, but did you say, she?" Shinji asked.  
  
"Yes." The nurse smiled. "A nice girl about your age. Kind of odd, though…oops," The nurse covered her mouth, she cleared her throat, "would you like to see her?"  
  
Shinji was puzzled. Who could it be? "Sure, I mean, please go get her."  
  
The nurse smiled again. "Sure thing, hon. After you guys talk for a little bit, the doctor will come and check on you again, and you can leave!" She paused, and asked if Shinji had insurance, he told her that his parents would take care of it. She smiled and nodded. Then she walked out of the room.  
  
Shinji sighed; he looked outside of the window.  
  
It was rainy; the sky was black with thick clouds. The lights inside the room did small to improve Shinji's mood.  
  
"Blue." He whispered. "This room is blue." There were no flowers in the vase. The room consisted of few beds. He was in one of them, the rest were empty. He turned to look outside into the hallway; the hallway was blue. Shinji sighed again. How did this day turn into such disaster? Asuka and Ayanami met in the café, I chickened out and didn't say anything to defend Rei from Asuka, or to calm Asuka down, and…Shinji hung his head.  
  
Asuka…Ayanami…and Misato-san…  
  
"I am such a disappointment to everyone I care about." Shinji murmured.  
  
Someone came in, and stood by his bed. He looked up.  
  
"Ah…Ayanami!" Shinji said in a high-pitched voice. "It…it's you!"  
  
Rei smiled thinly, Shinji felt more relieved from the heat. His lingering headache disappeared.  
  
The clouds didn't dissipate, but the rain had stopped.  
  
"You are awake." Rei said. "I am glad."  
  
Shinji shook his head. But he was happy to see her. He smiled.  
  
"How…how did you find me?" He asked curiously and cautiously. Rei's eyes were unfocused. After what happened today, he felt embarrassed to talk to her, but right then he needed her…he needed someone to talk to.  
  
"You were there when I saw you, I tried to pick you up, and a nurse came up to me and asked if I know you, I said I do, so they asked me to stick around." Rei paused. "If you are feeling better, than let's go."  
  
Go? "Where?" Shinji was puzzled.  
  
Rei blushed. The sun's rays had penetrated the clouds.  
  
"Your house."  
  
Shinji's heart almost stopped when Rei asked to accompany him to his house. "O…Ok!" Shinji managed  
  
The two of them left the hospital. Rei didn't look at Shinji as she kept her eyes forward; Shinji walked with his head down. The two of them walked some distance apart.  
  
Both of them were silent until they reached Shinji's house.  
  
"This is my house." Shinji said. He turned to look at Rei.  
  
Rei turned to look at him. Her lips were slightly parted.  
  
"Would…would you…would you like to…" Shinji looked at her lips and stuttered. Then he looked back and forth from the door to Rei's face. He was blushing.  
  
"…I am going." Rei said. She turned to leave. Shinji snapped out of it.  
  
"Ah…A…Ayanami!" Shinji said. She didn't turn.  
  
"Yes." She answered. "What is it Ikari-kun?"  
  
"Than…thank you for helping me out today…and…at the café…"Shinji wanted to shut up, but he couldn't. "…Asuka didn't meant anything bad…she…she just…"  
  
"I know," Rei said coldly, "She had a stomachache. It happens every month." With that, she was gone.  
  
Shinji's face was as warm as the surface temperature of the concrete pavements in July. I really don't like to talk about that women's stuff…He stuck out his tongue, and then scratched his head. How did Rei find me anyway?  
  
He frowned. Someone…there was someone else…someone else had…  
  
"Eh." Shinji shrugged. "It's not important anyway." He closed the door. The clouds had hidden the sun again.  
  
Shinji used to eat dinner with his parents, and his mother would ask nicely about his social life at school, his grades, and his life in general. Shinji used to only answer some of the time. Other times he would just nod, shake his head, or he would mumble some thing that he quickly made up. His father rarely talked at the dinner table after he turned 14. Most of the time, Gendo would just eat silently, once a long while he would ask Shinji about his work at school, or if he had joined clubs. Most of the time, Shinji said either "yes", or "no."  
  
When he turned 15, his parents no longer asked him about anything. Shinji rarely saw either of them before 9:00 PM, and by that time, Shinji had eaten dinner already. On weekends, Shinji would either stay in his room, or go hang out with Toji and Kensuke, sometimes he would hang out at Asuka's house.  
  
Shinji liked the fact that he didn't have to deal with his parents, especially his father Gendo. He never talked much, and he never hung out with Shinji much, even when Shinji was a kid.  
  
"Oh, well, I rather not see him anyway." Shinji mumbled to himself. He sat down in one of the chairs in the living room, and turned on the TV.  
  
The "21st Century World Saviors" was on. That's unusual, Shinji thought; I thought this anime only comes on around two in the afternoon. Oh well. I may as well watch it.  
  
"In today's episode, Shingen, the protagonist, finds found himself in love with the other two members of his world saving team, Megumi and Yuko. He needs to make a choice, but he is indecisive." The announcer said. Shinji yawned. "That's original. Sounds like something Toji or Kensuke could've come up with." He leaned back. Oh, well, he thought, I don't really want to do homework, and I don't have to eat since no one cares anyway, I may as well just watch it. Shinji sighed, and stared at the screen. On the TV, Shingen spoke. (Author's note: the TV show parts should be in Italics, but Fanfiction.net don't allow that.)  
  
Shingen: "I feel so alone. I wonder if anyone in this world likes me?"  
  
(Shigen stands up from the one of the benches in between two rows of lockers in the locker room. He hangs his head.)  
  
Shingen: "I'd like to be with someone, but…I am afraid of getting hurt…"  
  
Shinji scratched his head, "what the hell is this guy thinking?" He snickered, and focused on the TV again.  
  
(Shingen walks out of the locker room. He goes to the vending machine to get a soda. Megumi is sitting in a bench near the vending machine, Shingen sees her, and stops dead in his tracks. The two of them are about 10 feet from each other.)  
  
Shingen: "Hi…Megumi. How…how are you today?"  
  
Megumi: "…"  
  
Shingen: "Uh, well…I…I mean…would you…would you…"  
  
Megumi: "I am leaving."  
  
Shingen: "Uh…why? Where are you going?"  
  
Megumi: "I have a dangerous mission to accomplish, and I may not come back from this mission."  
  
Shingen: "Wha…what? Don't…don't go, Megumi-san!"  
  
(Her face is expressionless.)  
  
Shinji grimaced. This is getting awfully sappy!  
  
1 Shingen: "I…I have to tell you something…Megumi-san, I…I've always…"  
  
Megumi: "No, please don't tell me now! Sayonara! Shingen-kun!"  
  
(Megumi burst into tears, He reached out with his arms. Megumi turned away from him, but she didn't leave.)  
  
Shingen: "No! I have to tell you! I…I love you, Megumi-san!"  
  
(Megumi's face is full of tears, but her facial expression does not change; she didn't have any expressions at all.)  
  
Megumi: "Oh, Shingen, how I wished that I could feel…I would tell you all about it…right now!"  
  
(She ran to Shingen, they hugged each other tight.)  
  
Shingen: "I'll never let you get hurt again! I'll protect you! I'll teach you how to feel like a human being!"  
  
(The music suddenly changes, and Yuko walks in.)  
  
Yuko: "Oh my God this is not happening!"  
  
(She put her right hand on her forehead.)  
  
Yuko: "Oh Shingen, but I thought you loved me!"  
  
Shinji's eyes bulged out of his skull. "Ah…uh…um…what?"  
  
2 Shingen: "I…I love you both! I can't bear to see either of you die!"  
  
3 Megumi: "Oh Shingen, you…you have made me feel love! I don't know what to do?"  
  
4 Yuko: "He has always been so kind to both of us…"  
  
(The music changes. Explosions can be heard)  
  
  
  
Shinji's mouth was wide open. His jaw fell on the floor.  
  
  
  
Shingen: "Come on, let's go, now is not the time to talk about us, lets save the world from these abominable aliens!"  
  
"Oh no," Shinji said. "Here it comes!"  
  
The three shouted in unison: "Go! Team World Savior!"  
  
Shinji held his forehead. "Ugh! What was the creator of this anime thinking?"  
  
(The theme music plays: Go on, young people, look upon the stars, and stand up! Defend this beautiful Earth! Charge forward and be strong! Be courageous! Victory!!!)  
  
(The three of them run out of the hallway. The preview for the next episode appears on the screen.)  
  
The announcer's voice boomed over the TV's speakers: "Can the World Saviors Team overcome the evil disciples? Will Shingen find love? Can Megumi learn to feel? Will Yuko have a broken heart? Tune in next time for another exciting episode of the "21ST CENTURY WORLD SAVIORS! Watch it with everyone!"  
  
Click! Shinji quickly turned off the TV. He hurriedly walked upstairs, went into his room, and closed the door.  
  
"Whew, that's enough garbage for one day!" Shinji said with a heavy sigh of relief. He fell on his bed. "Ceiling. That's all I see." He said in a small voice.  
  
Shinji looked around his room. His desk: messy. His floor: messy. His bookshelf: messy.  
  
He sighed, his life: messy.  
  
He got off his bed, gingerly walked pass by his backpack on the floor, avoiding clothes, books, and more clothes, then he stepped into his bathroom. He into the mirror.  
  
This "me" that's looking at me looks like me, Shinji thought, it's just that it really isn't me in that mirror, it's people's image of me: Ikari Shinji, 15 year-old, 2nd year junior high student, and male. He signed. "I guess I am by myself here. In this room. In front of this mirror."  
  
He closed his eyes.  
  
He listened.  
  
He didn't hear anything, or anyone.  
  
"I am…I am so tired…" He said softly, opening his eyes.  
  
The corner of Shinji's lips went up a little.  
  
The "Shinji" in the mirror smiled at him.  
  
"I wonder if people like me?" Shinji said, "I mean, this me?"  
  
He winked at the "Shinji" in the mirror. "Shinji" winked back.  
  
He frowned. "Shinji" frowned.  
  
He sighed. "Shinji" smiled.  
  
"What the…" Shinji frowned at the mirror.  
  
Do you like yourself? The "Shinji" in the mirror said.  
  
"Ah…o…k…this…is…" Shinji took a step back.  
  
Do you like yourself? "Shinji" repeated.  
  
"Whoa…I mean…" Shinji groaned. "Again?" He turned his back to the mirror, "look, I am tired of these types of things…images, visions…dreams…" he started to leave. "I don't want to talk about it."  
  
Why do you think you are seeing these things? "Shinji" asked.  
  
Shinji stopped in his track. "Look, I don't know who you are, or what you are, or why is it that one minute I am looking at a mirror, next minute I am in some kind of dream sequence. But I know one thing: I am not interested in games anymore." He waved his hand at the mirror. "Goodbye. I don't want to see you anymore."  
  
But you will.  
  
Shinji stood still.  
  
You will always see me.  
  
He didn't open his mouth.  
  
You will always face me.  
  
He lowered his head.  
  
You can't run away from me.  
  
"No." Shinji said firmly, "but I can ignore you."  
  
Just like you ignore the real world?  
  
"You are not real!" Shinji raised his voice. "This is not real!"  
  
You couldn't be more right.The image in the mirror smirked.  
  
Crack! The mirror in the bathroom cracked. Shinji spun around. There in the cracked mirror, his doppelganger smiled thinly and coldly.  
  
Shinji glared at his image in the mirror; his doppelganger was gone, instead, his own image glared back at him.  
  
Shinji grimaced as the his image in the mirror slowly became pieces of broken glass, as they fell one by one into the sink, each one broke into many smaller pieces after they fell and made contact with the sink.  
  
Shinji looked at the pieces, and shuddered.  
  
He was in them. Each piece reflected his image.  
  
The image of Ikari Shinji. Each image stared back at him.  
  
"I…I don't…this isn't…" Shinji stuttered. He froze, and closed his eyes. 


	9. Evangelion Fan Fiction Episode 9: Progre...

Evangelion Fan Fiction Episode 9: Progress, again  
  
Ring…ring…the alarm on the night stand next to the bed rang. But Shinji didn't move a muscle. He hasn't moved or opened his eyes since last night.  
  
Shinji finally opened his eyes. They were bloodshot-red. His eyelids felt heavy, and his muscles were sore.  
  
He tried tightening his lips, even though they were trembling. "Monday…Tuesday…Wednesday…Thursday…Friday…." Shinji repeated the first 5 days of the week over and over again.  
  
The alarm rang again. But Shinji ignored it. He paused, took a deep breath, and repeated: "subway train…evangelization ad…rain…dreams…21st Century World Saviors…" He stared at the ceiling as he repeated that line.  
  
His eyes were red, his face was pale, and his lips were cracked and dry. Some part in the back of his mind expected his mother to come in and scold him any minute. He looked at the clock again, 7:15 AM.  
  
He listened.  
  
The TV wasn't on; the AC didn't hum; the refrigerator didn't whine.  
  
He strained his ears to hear the sound of Yui frying eggs, or Gendo talking about the latest headlines. The kitchen was silent.  
  
Outside, there were no birds chirping, no cars passing by, no people talking about the latest weather, and the bad traffic of the city.  
  
Nothing. No one's out there; no one's in here. Shinji thought.  
  
Except me.  
  
Shinji slowly walked out of his room. He could see his parents' bedroom down the hallway. The door was closed. He looked at the door, as if his gaze could penetrate the wood. After several minutes of staring, he walked toward the door.  
  
Shinji hesitated. He put his hand on the knob, and slowly turned.  
  
The door slowly opened. Shinji called: "Mother, Father. Are you there?"  
  
The door swung open.  
  
"Empty…" Shinji muttered.  
  
There was a queen-sized bed, but there was no sheet, no cover, and no pillows on it.  
  
Shinji looked around, the nightstands were rather clean, and there were no things on top of them, not even table lamps. He ran into the bathroom, there were no towels, no hair or tooth brush, no hair dryer, no cologne, no perfume; nothing. He ran out of the bathroom, and ran to the closet, and opens it. There were no clothes.  
  
Shinji rushed down the stairs; he almost tumbled down. He ran into the kitchen.  
  
No one was at the table, no one was cooking, and no one was reading newspaper.  
  
He ran to the living room. The TV wasn't on. There was no one sitting anywhere in the living room. He ran to the front door, and opened it.  
  
The streets were empty: no people, no cars, no dogs, and no birds.  
  
Shinji kept running, he frowned. "The…the lights aren't right…"  
  
The streetlights were off, but the streets looked strangely reddish pink, kind of like sunset, Shinji thought. He looked up at the sky.  
  
There was no sun, or rather, clouds filled the sky and the sun was nowhere to be seen, and something or someone painted the whole sky bloody red.  
  
"What is…WHAT IS THIS?" Shinji screamed at the sky. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" His voice echoed through out the streets, but there was no reply. He turned left at a corner, and looked up.  
  
The billboard that had Nerv's ad was blank.  
  
Shinji turned his head, and looked at the Nerv's big clock on its HQ building.  
  
The clock's arrows were gone. The digital output displayed 00:00:00.  
  
Shinji's body shook like a leaf in a tornado, he struggled to keep himself on his feet. He ran faster, fell a couple of times, and he stopped.  
  
"Where…where is Asuka's house?" Shinji said, "Where is Rei's house?"  
  
I…Shinji thought, I…I can't find them…I can't find Asuka's house, and Rei…Rei's house…no…Rei doesn't…or rather, Rei didn't live in a house…but then where do they live?  
  
He stopped, and ran toward the apartment sections of Tokyo-3. He ran through the streets between the buildings frantically, until he stopped at one of the apartment buildings. He ran up a set of stairs, and stopped dead in his tracks in front of a door. The sign next to it read: "Ayanami's place."  
  
He froze. Rei lives here?  
  
He reached out with his hand to knock on the door, but he pushed the door open instead.  
  
There were no mails on the floor. Shinji looked around. There was a glass of clear liquid on a pushcart, and a glasses case was on the nightstand.  
  
"I know this place already somehow!" Shinji yelled on the top of his lungs, "Where is Ayanami?" All he heard was his echo.  
  
Shinji left the apartment in a hurry.  
  
I…I am starting to remember…no…I think I knew all along…  
  
Shinji got to the bottom of the stairs and that when he stopped. Asuka was standing about 10 paces in front of him. She widened her eyes.  
  
Shinji breathed a sigh of relief, and he walked toward her. "A…Asuka, I…I was so worried about you! Where have you been?"  
  
Asuka "floated" away from him as he approached her, she kept her distance from him.  
  
Shinji stopped, then walked faster toward her, "what's wrong? Why are you running away from me?" He yelled at her.  
  
Asuka yelled back: "YOU ARE A TWO-TIMING, STUPID, LAZY, PATHETIC, MOTHERFUCKING JERK! I HATE YOU! I WISH YOU WERE DEAD! I WISH YOU ARE STUCK HERE FOREVER!!!"  
  
Shinji was stunned. He fell back at her words. "What…why are you yelling at me?"  
  
Asuka spoke again, "You are so self absorbed, that you don't even see other's people's problems. You think just because you construct something with yourself in the center, that you will be ok?"  
  
Shinji stared at her, his eyes were wide open, "I…what is this? What are you saying right now makes no sense and has no connection with what you just said 5 seconds earlier" he reached out at her, "Now stop this, I need to tell you something…it's about me…or rather, it's about this world with me in it…"  
  
"Once again, he's just not getting it." An icy voice spoke behind him.  
  
Shinji quickly turned to see Ayanami Rei stood behind him.  
  
"Ayanami…no, Rei!" Shinji smiled, "I…am so glad to see you!" He reached out to hold her, but she took two steps back. Shinji stood there with his arms extended.  
  
"Wh…what…why are you running away from me?" Shinji whined, "Rei, don't leave me. I…I need you…you…"  
  
"Needy, are you?" Rei's icy whisper froze Shinji's ear, and his heart. He started to shiver. She spoke again: "You don't really need anybody. You don't really care for anybody. It was all you. All you ever cared are your own thoughts."  
  
"But…but…I am…this world…is…my…. I mean…" Shinji stuttered. I am forgetting something very important here…he thought.  
  
"Oh, Shinji-kun, trying hard to focus, eh?" someone at his right side said. Shinji turned to his right. Misato was standing there. She was wearing a silky white tank top with shoulder straps, which showed her midriff, a short black skirt that barely reached mid thigh, and a pair of black high heels. Shinji didn't see bra straps on her shoulders; he gulped visibly.  
  
"Ah…Mi…Misato-san…why…why are you…"Shinji said with difficulty, "why is it that you always dressed so sexily?"  
  
"Ah! But the question is, what is that you want?" Misato winked, and cooed.  
  
Shinji felt iciness crawling up his spine, "excuse…excuse me?" He said while avoiding looking up at Misato, but he stole glances at her.  
  
"Idiot! You are a big idiot! "Asuka yelled at him, "You just can't make up your mind, is that it? You think by making everyone act the way you want them to act, everything will work out?" She spat, "but look at you, and look at us, who are you, and who are we?" She stomped the ground a few times, "is this your way of surviving? Running away? Being apologetic? Or just make it all up?"  
  
Shinji looked at her with droopy eyes: "Asuka, I…I always tried to be nice to you, but you always get angry at me, well, I am sorry I guess…"  
  
Asuka interrupted him, "this is exactly who you are, in here, and out there: you either apologize, or shrink back into yourself, or asking people to pity you, so that you manipulate people into giving you what you think you need." She pause, and spat again, "but you can't keep this up forever!"  
  
Shinji sighed deeply, he said with an exasperated voice: "Asuka, I am not…"  
  
"So even now you deny this." Rei said with a hint of anger, "even at this stage, you continue to deny the reality."  
  
"Well, I guess he simply can't stop…or can he?" Misato said seductively, then she turned to Shinji: "do you want me bad, Shinji-kun? Is there something that you want to do to me?" She slipped off the straps of her tank top, and held her top with her arms.  
  
Shinji gawked at her, his pulse quickened, and then he closed his eyes and shook his head, "no…this…this isn't real. Misato-san isn't really like this."  
  
You are right of course. Shinji heard himself talking. But he knew better.  
  
"So my nightmare shows up." Shinji muttered.  
  
A voice exactly matched Shinji's spoke, even though Shinji's own lips were tight: How do you like your life? Sunny side up? Or over-easy?  
  
Shinji said with a smile, while keeping his eyes closed: "I'll have 2 sunny-side ups and 3 strips of bacon!"  
  
That voice said dryly: So you want everything.  
  
Can you? Can you have everything?  
  
Shinji opened his eyes, but he was no longer standing in the middle of the street. He was in the classroom.  
  
He looked around the room. He was sitting in his usual place next to Asuka with some space between them, Rei was sitting near the window, and Toji and Kensuke were sitting in front of him, side by side. Shinji looked around closely, he scrunched up his eyes, and tried to look at the other people there, but everyone else were a blur. He looked at the front of the class; he could just barely make out that Hikari was sitting in the middle of the first row. He looked again, Misato stood in the front of the class; she stood out nicely from the blurred background.  
  
"Ok. What is it this time?" Shinji said wearily, "I really don't care. Just go away"  
  
"Today, we will actually do a case study on a human subject. What we are going to do is to looking into the subject's mind, and decipher what is it that the subject desire in life." Misato stood in front of the blackboard, she was wearing a Chinese dress that looked like it was a size too small, with slits up the sides of the legs, all the way to the hips, and the length of her skirt only reached her knees.  
  
Shinji swallowed hard. Her perfect figure made his heart pump faster.  
  
The screen of his laptop flashed, he tore his gaze from Misato's body, and read the screen.  
  
Hey, you pervert! What the hell are you thinking? the sender was Asuka.  
  
Shinji blushed, he deleted the message.  
  
Go on, ignore us. Ignore whatever you don't want to talk about. this time, the sender was Rei. Shinji deleted this one as well.  
  
Shinji-kun, how was Misato-san in bed last night? Kensuke sent the message.  
  
What? Shinji screamed in his mind, he typed. I…don't…what are you talking about?  
  
Oh, come on! Toji sent, She was a whore in bed, wasn't she? He drew a face with a grin and horns on the screen.  
  
This is insane! This is outrageous! Shinji's face was red with anger, he typed. How the hell can you guys picture her like that? We are just friends, I mean, she cares about me because she works with my father, and I like her as our teacher. How can you think like that! You guys are really sick!  
  
"So are you." Misato said right next to him.  
  
"What?" Shinji snapped his head to his right, he was looking into Misato's eyes. He recoiled back so hard and so fast that he fell off his chair, and fell on his back.  
  
Misato straightened herself up, and walked to the front of the classroom. She wrote on the board: sexual desire. Then she underlined it twice.  
  
Shinji quickly got off the ground and sat down, he felt his whole body's temperature rising as everyone in the class laughed at him. He looked at the main topic of the day on the board. His eyes widened as he screamed and pulled his hair out.  
  
No one paid any attention to him as Misato continued: "So, in the case of the subject, he's not sure who he wants to be with. All he knows is that he would like to be with someone. He feels that having a female companion will dissipate all his loneliness."  
  
Asuka raised her hand. "Sensei, I've got a question: if Ikari Shinji really wants to be with someone, why is it that he either retracts into his shell when someone becomes close to him, or rejects that someone completely?"  
  
Shinji stared at her, how could you ask a question about me like that?  
  
Asuka didn't look at him.  
  
Misato tilted her head to the right, frowned slightly, then said: "The subject has a intense desire to be with someone, that is true; however, he is also afraid of being hurt, so much so that he avoids real contact with people via emotional outlets. He does not really express himself to other well, and he refrains from talking about deep issues. Notice, however, this particular subject has done something that other people in his condition cannot do."  
  
"And what is that, Misato?" Asuka said. Shinji noticed she didn't call Misato "sensei" (teacher.)  
  
Misato grinned broadly, and her eyes lit up. "He created a real fantasy world." 


	10. Evangelion Fan Fiction Episode 10: Disse...

Evangelion Fan Fiction Episode 10: Dissection/Disintegration.  
  
Rei raised her hand, "Katsuragi-sensei, correct me if I heard you wrong, but did you say, 'a real fantasy world?' I think you meant to say, 'a realistic fantasy world.'" She said coolly.  
  
Misato cocked an eyebrow, "Good question, Rei. But the word realistic describes something that is reasonable, sensible, or rational. What the subject is experiencing here is anything but rational. He makes something that works according to his desires, experiences, and personality. In other words, this world works on three levels: what he wants, what he knows, and what he is."  
  
"Actually, let me demonstrate," she paused, and asked Rei and Asuka to stand next to her, "let's say three people represent the triumvirate that makes up this world," she nodded toward Asuka, "Asuka represents the 'want'," then she nodded toward Rei, "Rei represents the know, and" she paused again, then she waved at someone in the back of the classroom, "oh, why don't you come up here and help out?"  
  
The boy went up to the front of the classroom; Shinji felt a chill all over when that boy passed him by. He started to shake uncontrollably. Who…?  
  
"Here we go," Misato said with a broad smile, "and Kaoru here represents the 'is'."  
  
Shinji looked at Misato with fatigue in his body. He hadn't slept since last night, and his eyes were bloodshot, and weary. He felt as if he was naked and hung by his arms on a tree, while strangers walked by and gossiped about him. He looked at Asuka, Rei, and Misato. None of them looked at his direction.  
  
He sighed, "Kaoru-kun died long time ago, this is a trick." He muttered. Misato was still talking. He smacked his forehead a few times, shook his head, and tried to stay awake.  
  
"…so in any case, this whole thing, "Misato waved her left hand around the classroom, then spread her arms wide, "is as real as the 'triumvirate' is real." She nodded toward Kaoru, "You can go now."  
  
Kaoru smiled, and he went back to his seat. Shinji paused, and turned to look at him. But Kaoru had disappear into thin air. Shinji hung his head. His eyelids were getting heavier again, and he was starting snore. But he sat up suddenly, and forced open his eyes, and looked at Misato, Asuka, and Rei.  
  
Misato had written on the board, "illusions," and underlined twice. She continued: "…see, after the 'is' disappears, some things had happened." She turned Asuka and Rei toward each other, Asuka looked annoyed. "Now, the two of you go ahead and talk to each other."  
  
All of a sudden some guy at Shinji's left whispered: "Dude, whenever these two scary ladies face each other, bad shit happens!" Then some guy at his right joined in: "Shinji-kun, I think you are in big trouble…"  
  
Shinji turned left and right to see Toji and Kensuke, he whispered: "What the…what are you guys doing here?"  
  
Both of them turned to him. "What do you mean? Shouldn't you know?" Both of them said in unison.  
  
"Sigh…I hate déjà vu…"Shinji curled and uncurled his left fist. He turned to the front again, and he groaned, as his doppelganger walked in from the outside of the classroom.. He stood next to Misato, as the two of them stood to the side, while Asuka and Rei argued, or rather, Asuka screamed at Rei, and Rei stared at Asuka.  
  
"…you are just a wind-up doll! Why don't you go play with robots or something?" Asuka said in a high pitched voice. "you can't feel, you can't act properly, and you don't really exist!"  
  
"Speak for yourself." Rei said quietly.  
  
"What?" Asuka's hands curled up into fists, "what did you say?"  
  
"Shinji" stood to the side; he was silent.  
  
Shinji looked at his lap.  
  
"Sorry dude, but we've got to go." Toji said.  
  
"Yeah, man, you don't really want us here anyway." Kensuke said. The two of them started to walk out of the classroom.  
  
Shinji struggled to lift his head, but he was too tired. He finally lifted his head, and opened his mouth toward Toji and Kensuke, "guys…"  
  
They were gone. They vanished without a trace.  
  
Shinji was shaking like a leaf in a storm, he looked around the classroom; he shook even harder, and his teeth chattered; his breathing became labored.  
  
People were disappearing, left and right.  
  
He struggled to turn to look around, and he saw there was a crack in the ceiling…no, not ceiling, he thought, the…the space…  
  
There in the thin air, was a crack. Shinji could see the in space formed in the crack, emptiness. He couldn't explain what is it exactly, but there was nothing in the space formed in the crack, except a void.  
  
"So, Shinji-kun," Misato said. "What are you going to do about it?"  
  
Asuka had smacked Rei hard on her left cheek.  
  
Shinji quickly turned to Misato, but she was looking at his doppelganger  
  
"Shinji" stepped out from behind Misato, he said hesitantly: "Ah…Ayanami…please don't be angry with Asuka, she's…" Rei didn't look at him. She turned, and started to walk out of the door. "…her stomach hurts…" "Shinji" said with a blush, but Rei was gone.  
  
Gone? Shinji's thoughts were filled with horror, where the hell did she go?  
  
Asuka's body was as tense like as lioness prepared to strike her prey, she turned slowly toward "Shinji"; her eyes were filled with fire.  
  
The two of them stared at each other for a couple of minutes, while Misato and Shinji looked on. All of the sudden, the ceiling cracked open, and Shinji heard a loud crashing sound that filled the whole classroom.  
  
As the ceiling above Shinji fractured, Asuka screamed dreadfully: "YOU ARE A PITIFUL, SELF-CENTERED, PATHETIC, MOTHERFUCKING COWARD! I HATE YOU! I WISH YOU WERE DEAD! I WISH YOU ARE STUCK HERE FOREVER!!!" She stomped the ground, and it fractured under the force of her right foot, and she stormed out of the classroom.  
  
Shinji tried hard to keep his eyes open, but he blinked, and she disappeared. He frantically turned to look for Misato. She was standing next to him. Her arms were on his shoulders, and she smiled warmly at him.  
  
She looked deeply into Shinji's eyes; he saw a deep sadness and disappointment in her eyes. Everything around them were fracturing and crashing down, and the floor was falling piece by piece.  
  
She kissed Shinji on the lips, and then held him close. Shinji shuddered, her warmth was nurturing and wonderful; her body was soft, and she smelled like home. He wanted to be with her like this forever.  
  
Shinji heard she say: "Goodbye, Shinji-kun. Take care of yourself." He tried to hug back, but his arms embraced only air.  
  
He opened his eyes wide and yelled her name, but she was gone.  
  
The whole classroom was breaking apart, the chairs and tables were crumbling, the blackboard broke in two, the windows shattered, and even the ground Shinji was standing on was disappearing.  
  
Shinji pulled out his hair; his body was shaking, and his eyes were filled with dread. The floor beneath him fell…  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed his lung out, the air in there seemed to be disappearing faster then he could breath in…  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"No!" Shinji clawed at something, but there was nothing for him to hold on to. He tried to brace himself; his arms were swinging around frantically. He didn't feel like if he was falling, but he was not floating, and he couldn't tell what exactly where he was. He opened his eyes.  
  
There was nothing.  
  
Shinji blinked, and he looked around again. His hands grasped for something, but they found nothing to grab a hold onto. He kicked his legs, but they didn't make contact with anything. Wherever he was in, the place was completely empty. He wasn't even sure if there was air, even though he was breathing. He turned, and turned, and turned. Then he finally stopped.  
  
He found that he was alone.  
  
"Hello…hello…is… anyone here?" Shinji yelled, "HELLO? Somebody? Anybody?" He yelled at the top of his lungs, but silence greeted him. There was no echo.  
  
"What…what is I am supposed to do here? What is it that I am doing wrong?" Shinji said. No sound or voices came. Just silence.  
  
He tried to reorient himself, but there was nothing for him to judge his orientation. He wasn't upside down, or right side up, or turned sideways. He was just there.  
  
"Ok…ok…"He said breathlessly, "I get it…we've been through this before…look, I've accepted myself here. I love…loved it here, everything was going the right way, wasn't it? Why is it I am back in the nothingness?"  
  
He waited. Still no sound, no answer.  
  
"Is…is there a…God, or something like a higher power?" Shinji paused, hearing no answer, he continued: "I mean, a creator of some sort, who created this whole damned thing…out there, and in here?"  
  
The silence continued. Shinji's eyes were still weary, and his body trembled non-stop. He felt hungry and thirsty, but there was no food, or water, or someone to give these to him. He waited. But nobody came.  
  
"This…this is meaningless…" Shinji said, "if this is my life…then…my life is meaningless…" He whispered, while closing his eyes, "nobody…but…me…"  
  
Shinji-kun…someone whispered.  
  
What? Shinji called silently. Who is it?  
  
This is your world now…he/she continued, Shinji wasn't sure if the voice came from a male or female.  
  
Your will holds it together…  
  
"Shut up!" Shinji said. "My life is worthless."  
  
Why do you think this way?  
  
"Because it is useless." Shinji said bitterly.  
  
This string of rosary beads aren't holding together?  
  
"I don't want to talk about it." Shinji said in a flat tone.  
  
Why are you running away?  
  
"Leave me alone." Shinji started to curl up.  
  
You don't want to live this way.  
  
"Let me be." He hugged his knees.  
  
You want to be loved.  
  
"Don't tell me something I already know." He whispered.  
  
Why isn't this world working for you?  
  
"I don't know." He felt so tired.  
  
Is this the right place for you to be in?  
  
"I love my life. I have friends. I have loving parents. School is fun." Shinji mumbled. "Don't…don't ask me…"  
  
He opened his eyes. His doppelganger stood in front of him, and smiled.  
  
"So it is you." Shinji said with resignation in his voice. "My nightmare returns."  
  
"Shinji" smiled bitterly. "Even in here, you can't bear to live with this pain. Even in here, you can't stay with the pain. Even in here, you want to run away."  
  
"Shut up! What do you know anyway?" Shinji turned his head to his left.  
  
Smack! His doppelganger struck him on his face. Shinji looked at him in anger and terror. His eyes bulged out of his skull. "You…"Shinji managed, "you hit me! You…you can't hit me!"  
  
"Somebody should've done it back in the first day when you got to NERV." "Shinji" said forcefully. "And again do it again when you made this." He swept across the space with his right arm, "this emptiness; this world of yours; this version of Instrumentality."  
  
"I…" Shinji said in a small voice, "I just thought…"  
  
"You thought what, exactly?" His doppelganger cut him off impatiently, "that by simply making everything you way you wanted it, and run away when things don't work, that you will be happy and content?" "He paused, "you are a even bigger fucking idiot then most people thought." He sneered, "goodness! And here I thought you would've understood everything after what just happened before."  
  
"How…how long has it been?" Shinji stuttered, "that I've been in here?"  
  
"Who cares? Time has no use, and no value in here!" "Shinji" said impatiently, "this is your world now, exactly the way you wanted it; the final destination you wanted to get to."  
  
"You…you…mean…this…this is…"Shinji managed breathlessly.  
  
"This is what you wanted; this is what you think you needed; this is what it is." "Shinji" said cryptically.  
  
Shinji looked around carefully, he paused and tilted his head slightly to his right, then he curled up again, and hugged his knees. "This is absurd." He murmured.  
  
"Life is absurd." "Shinji" said dreamily, "things get worse. People die; people hate you suddenly. Your friends desert you, your parents ignore you, and even the girl you have a crush on, turns away from you. Some things do get better in time, and maybe people comes around after a while, but for people who are not optimists, life just doesn't get any better, and let's just be honest, if you truly put everything that you faced, you are facing, and you will face on a scale, and weight them honestly, you probably will find the scale tilts to one side." "Shinji" paused, he laughed dryly: "the side that you don't want. And you may not like either sides in the first place."  
  
Shinji sighed. "What is the point really?" He stretched out. "All these talk is interesting, really. But it doesn't change the fact I am lonely, I am needy, but I hate to be needy, and therefore, I will stick with being lonely for now."  
  
SMACK! His doppelganger struck Shinji hard, and his head snapped sideways. Blood trickled down his chin. "SNAP THE HELL OUT OF IT, WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK IS HAPPENING TO YOU RIGHT NOW?"  
  
Shinji recoiled from "Shinji", and he said sheepishly: "but…but I thought…all these aren't real, I mean…I thought I could make this right…I still can…"  
  
"Shinji" sighed, he turned away from Shinji in disgust. "This is the second time that you refused to do anything. There is no third time." He started to walk away from Shinji. Shinji's body shook, and he struggled to open his dried, cracked, and bloody lips. His doppelganger was starting to disappear into the empty space. Shinji took a deep breath, and yelled after "Shinji": "No! Come back, you can't leave me!" He paused to breath in, "You are all that I have left!"  
  
But his doppelganger had already vanished.  
  
Shinji broke down, and wailed. As his body shook uncontrollably, the empty space that surrounded him swallowed his screams and cries. His tears slid off his face, and fell into the nothingness below him. 


	11. Evangelion Fan Fiction Episode 11: Final...

Evangelion Fan Fiction Episode 11: Finale / To the beginning.  
  
The nothingness continued. Shinji wept bitterly. He began to thrash around with his arms, and then he kicked at the empty space with his feet. He twisted his body, and shook his head.  
  
But the silence continued.  
  
"This…this can't be…"Shinji said, "This has to be a bad dream."  
  
No answer came from anywhere.  
  
"Somebody, anybody, answer me! Misato-san, Asuka, Ayanami!" He paused, no voices came, "Ristuko-san, Toji, Kensuke, Hikari!" He swallowed his tears, "mother, father…somebody…please…let me out of this…" He took a deep breath, and his whole body shuddered like a wounded animal.  
  
He struggled for a while more, finally, his body went limp, as he curled up, exhausted from fatigue. There was nothing to support him. He wasn't relaxed; he was tired. He felt like dying.  
  
"This…is…the…end…" Shinji whispered; his eyelids were getting heavier than lead. "Good…goodbye…" Shinji closed his eyes. Everything has gone dark…he thought before he passed out.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Is this it?   
  
Shinji sensed something.  
  
Gone…all gone…  
  
He stirred.  
  
Love…despair…  
  
He "sensed" himself talking.  
  
Absurd…pointless…  
  
He felt something inside him trembled.  
  
Pain…want…need…  
  
He felt his chest ache.  
  
But there is no one out there, just like there is no one in here…  
  
His heart leaped, and he wanted something.  
  
Why bother? Stay here. Nothingness looks good on you.   
  
His thoughts…Was he thinking?  
  
Why bother exist?   
  
…He tried to breathe…  
  
They are gone. No more. Never again.   
  
…!…Shinji moved his body.  
  
Meaningless…meaningless…  
  
Shinji felt he sat up.  
  
Pain…can't endure…no more pain…  
  
Shinji felt he stood up.  
  
Don't…hurt me…don't get close to me…  
  
"That's enough." Shinji said sternly. He walked forward, his arms stretched out in front of him, and he began to tear at something with his hands. "No more running away, no more." He said forcefully.  
  
But there is nothing, all there is left is despair…  
  
"Unless I do something about it." Shinji said firmly.  
  
Gone…gone…  
  
"Ok, that's it." Shinji started to claw at something fiercely. "Look, I have had enough of this psychological bullshit since the beginning of this whole show that myself had put on in front of this world." He began to rip it apart, "I know this is probably been said before over and over again so much, that even as a cliché, it's tiring, but," he caught his breath, and started to dig at it with determination, "it really comes down to this: whether I do something about it, or I don't do anything, absolutely anything at all."  
  
You can't do everything.   
  
"You are damned right! But I can't sit on my ass and vegetate, or feel sorry for myself, so I may as well do something about it."  
  
Even though it is meaningless?   
  
"Again, more clichés, but when I do something, it means something. So shut the hell up and watch me work." Shinji spat, and then he began to rip at the opening that he created.  
  
They are gone, you know.   
  
"No." Shinji said firmly. "You know what I realized here? I've been given a second chance to do something about this mess of a world, and I fucked it up really good. But no more. And no matter what, I am going to see all of them again, even if only for one last time."  
  
You are just being corny.   
  
"And you are getting on my nerves." Shinji spat, "so either shut the fuck up, or get the hell lost, because I am never ever listening to you again."  
  
Why leave?   
  
"Because I can't stay here." Shinji said, with that, the voice was gone. He shook his head violently. His head felt really clear for the first time this week…if time meant anything here.  
  
He grabbed a hold of two pieces of something large, and with all the strength he had left, he pulled them apart with great difficulty.  
  
"Grahhhh!!!" He grunted, the sound boomed and shook his whole existence, and the world that he created. The space around him trembled and vibrated like a level 12 earthquake shaking the city of Tokyo-3  
  
There was no light coming forth, and there were no explosions. No lightings and thunders flashed and boomed across the sky. Shinji strained his eyes to look around, but couldn't see anything. "Am…I blind…?" Shinji exclaimed as he tried harder to take in his surroundings. But it was no use. There were no lights, no stars, no moon, and no sun.  
  
Darkness greeted him, while the void that he emerged from vanished.  
  
Shinji quickly turned around, hoping that he heard something, or someone, but silence embraced him as he listened for a word, or a sound. He reached out with his senses, but received nothing in return.  
  
Nothing.  
  
Shinji took a deep breath, "ok, let's go," he mumbled. "I can't stay here, anyway." He paused for a second after he took a step, then he tightened his lips, and started to walk. With his arms extended in front of him, Shinji started to feel his way toward something.  
  
Where should I go? Shinji wondered, where can I go?  
  
He slowly felt his way as he walked toward an unknown destination. He walked slowly, and made sure he didn't trip over something before he took a step. After a few wobbly steps, and a few near falls, he straightened up his body, and started to walk in a continuous pace. Few more steps after that, he pulled back his arms, and started to walk normally.  
  
He listened as he walked, but he still didn't hear anything, and the darkness continued to swallow him in as he went on. "Anyone? Anyone?" He called, but he heard no answers. He wanted a hug, but no arms reached toward him; he wanted a word of encouragement, but no voices spoke to him.  
  
I…Am I out? He wondered, or am I still trapped? He reached out with his arms again, but he couldn't find anything to grab a hold onto. He anxiously swung his arms around him, but he found nothing to get a feel on.  
  
Why? Why am I still in a void? Shinji asked silently. He felt ground underneath his feet through his shoes, but other than that…Is there a sky above my head? He narrowed his eyes as he made a great effort to see what's over his head. There seemed to be something, but he frowned as he looked on.  
  
After a few more steps, he sat down. He hung his head, while he felt his aching neck with his hands. This is too much…Shinji thought miserably. I…there is nothing out here. For all I went through, I still got nothing out of this.  
  
Shinji hugged himself, he felt cold, hungry, and tired.  
  
"Maybe I should just stop, and rot here. After all that, I still can't find what I was looking for." Tears fell off his face, and fell on the ground. He sobbed.  
  
"I can't believe it…not like this…not after what I went through." Shinji closed his eyes, but that didn't make a difference in the darkness that surrounded him. "My…my chest…my chest hurts…" He put his right hand on his chest, and he felt longing stinging him from inside his chest.  
  
"Is this it…? Is my life finally at an end?" Shinji looked up at what he perceived as a sky. He shouted with all his strength: "Is this it? I have had enough of this. Let me die. Let me disappear! Let me return to nothingness!"  
  
He listened as his plea dissipated into the darkness. His chest still hurts.  
  
No…Shinji grabbed his chest, this is not over yet…I still need to see them, I still need to do something…he stood up, I am not finished yet, not this time.  
  
Something stirred in his memory, somebody he knew, said something to him. Shinji tried to remember: Look at me, here I am watering these plants; I can't do anything, but you, you have the power to do something…  
  
"I can't really remember what he said," Shinji said with an exasperated voice, "and it sounds corny to me, but despite the fact I've heard that one before, he was right." He sighed, "It's not over yet." And stood up. He collected himself, and started to walk again.  
  
He felt more and more drained as he struggled to stay on his feet, thoughts of sitting down and give up haunted him like these voices and images that he saw all week. What day is today? He wondered. Does it matter? I would've been in school today, if today is Saturday, for half a day, and maybe Rei and I would've gone to the shopping district, and…  
  
He shook his head, that world was not real! His voice screamed inside his head.  
  
But…maybe Asuka would come over to my house, and we could watch TV, and afterwards, we could go to the park…  
  
He hit his head a couple of times; this isn't helping!  
  
He looked back at where he had started from, even though there was nothing, he thought he saw that space he was in. He turned to look at it…  
  
No! I can't! I can't go back there! Shinji smacked his face a couple of times, shook his head, and turned around, and started to walk again.  
  
The dark night continued. At least he thought it was night. His legs wobbled, and he started to feel sick. He steadied himself before he continued again. But his steps had gotten smaller, and he was dragging his feet forward. His head was spinning, while his muscles ached.  
  
"Oh God, this is too much." Shinji prayed silently, "let this end, please…" He lost his footing, and he fell hard on his face.  
  
But there was no end, and he had nowhere to go.  
  
"Got…got to…" Shinji managed, "see…see them one more time…before I die…" He started to crawl forward. I still have to see them. Even if…  
  
Even if they are all dead? He shuddered. "No…now is… not the time to think about it…got…got to get somewhere…" Shinji muttered, and continued to crawl.  
  
After what he thought was 20 minutes, Shinji slowed down. His stomach had stopped growling long ago, even though he needed to eat something, but his throat remained parched. He hadn't had sleep for God knows how long, and his muscles were not coordinating well with each other. He lowed his head. "I…" He paused.  
  
There, in the distance near the horizon…  
  
Shinji frowned at it, that little bit of light…  
  
"The sun! The sun is up!" Shinji was overjoyed. He stood up on his wobbly legs, and ran toward it. He tripped over a few things, and fell on his face a few times, but he got up and ran again. He had a big grin. His body ached and trembled as he made his way through rubbles and other things scattered all over what he saw was the ruins of probably Tokyo-3. The morning sun had crept slowly up from the horizon line, and Shinji began to see clearly where he was heading.  
  
The city of Tokyo-3 was a seaport, and Shinji found himself sprinting toward a beach. He could hear the sea. At least he thought it was the sea. As his feet made contact with the sand, he took off his shoes, and danced on the beach.  
  
After a few minutes of celebration, he stopped, and found a place to sit and watch the sunrise.  
  
The sun had painted the water gold as the light covered most of the surface of the sea. There were still shadows near where Shinji sat, but the sun's rays were chasing them away. Shinji's brooding mood was fleeting from his heart, as the sun had moved up further. The brilliant red-gold color started to spread and the water closer to Shinji was being painted with the same warmth and brightness. At least he felt warm.  
  
He sighed.  
  
"I am…I am alive…" Shinji looked around him, and up, "but…but I am still alone…" He hugged his knees, "I tried to be brave, and I broke out of that world that I made, but…but now I am left with myself, just like before…" Shinji sighed again, he paused, and tears began to well up in his eyes. "I still need to see you all, one last time." He closed his eyes, and chanted: "Misato-san, Asuka, Ayanami…Ritsuko-san, mother…father…Toji…Kensuke…" He couldn't remember the other names well; he was too tired and too hungry, but he silently called out to them anyway.  
  
He repeated and repeated.  
  
"Ikari-kun." A female said behind him. He didn't turn, but he smiled and nodded.  
  
"Welcome back." Shinji said calmly.  
  
"Why?" The female asked.  
  
Shinji smiled. He didn't open his mouth.  
  
"Shinji-kun. How?" Another female said behind him. Again, he only nodded and smiled.  
  
"Welcome back." Shinji said.  
  
"You've…you did well." She said with a light sob, while trying to sound cheerful.  
  
"Not too terrible. Could've done worse." Shinji said succinctly. But he didn't lose his smile.  
  
"And could've done better." A third female voice said. "You are still an idiot."  
  
Shinji smirked. He thought of all that had happened to him.  
  
"Where is everyone else?" He asked.  
  
"…I am sorry…"The older female said, "I am afraid all you are going to find, if you find them, are dead bodies." She paused, "…I am not real either…I mean, I don't know how I am here, but I know I can't stay long."  
  
"That's ok, Misato-san," Shinji turned around, and tried to hug her, but he embraced only air, "I am just glad to see you one last time."  
  
"Shinji-kun, you know I…" Misato hesitated, "I care for you. I used you as man to have around the apartment when I am lonely, and yeah, part of me cared for you out of duty, but…"  
  
"I know." Shinji said, "you've told me what you needed to say before." He braced himself, "but I need to tell you what I've never really told you clearly." He kissed Misato on her right cheek. "I love you. You are my family. I care for you a lot. I wish you could stay with me forever. As a sister, as…as a guardian, as someone that sticks around." He smiled through his tears, "I love you, Misato-san."  
  
"Oh God, Shinji' I wish I can stay with you, but I…I think whatever the power that's holding me here is fading, and so am I…" Misato started to disappear.  
  
"Goodbye, Misato-san. I will try to always remember that you are near." Shinji said while choking back his tears.  
  
Misato was gone.  
  
Rei and Asuka were crying silently. Shinji sighed, and fought back his tears; he stood up and walked close to them.  
  
"Ikari-kun…Shinji-kun…I…" Rei struggled to speak through her tears, even though she wasn't sobbing, "I don't think I can stay here either. My body is really gone, and my essence is going to disappear, too." She reached out with her hand, "I…I remember everything…"  
  
"That's good, Aya…Rei. I am glad that you remember." Shinji swallowed hard his tears, "please take all the memories you have with you." Shinji managed.  
  
"Both pain and joy?" Rei said with some uncertainty.  
  
"Both pain and joy." Shinji whispered. He held Rei close to him. Their faces were inches away from each other's  
  
"You were like my mother, I think I was attracted to you because of that, but I care for you as a person, a human being. I care for you because you are Ayanami Rei." He kissed her on her forehead, "You…I know this sounds corny, but you have a special place in my heart. You always will…"  
  
Rei was starting to fade; Shinji held her even tighter, but it was useless. He couldn't retain her essence.  
  
"I've got to tell you something, "Rei said quickly, "I…I love…" She vanished, just as the words came out of her mouth, "love you…" The wind blew, and she faded away.  
  
"Goodbye Rei. You will always be with me." Shinji whispered.  
  
He turned to Asuka. Oh God please don't let her disappear too…otherwise, I don't think I can hold on…  
  
Asuka looked at him, her red hair flowed freely in the wind, and her eyes were unreadable.  
  
"Well…"Asuka said with difficulty, "heh, I didn't even get to say goodbye, and apologize to wonder girl, and Misato." She sighed. "Stupid Shinji…"  
  
Shinji hesitated, he reached out with his arms slowly.  
  
Asuka took his arms, and wrapped herself in them.  
  
"Silly Shinji, are you worried that I would go with them, too?" She said with a slight smirk.  
  
"I…Asuka, I…" Shinji struggled to speak. I wish I could just tell her…  
  
"Yeah, yeah, sure. You are just going to go all teary-eyed, and tell me that you love me, and you wish I would stick around." She paused, and tilted her head, "that is so disgusting."  
  
"I…I am so…"Shinji stuttered.  
  
"Don't say it." Asuka cut him off quickly, "after all we went through, did you not learn anything at all?" Asuka said with a wink. At least Shinji thought she winked. He liked the way she said 'we.'  
  
"We?" Shinji said carefully.  
  
"Yes, we! You stupid idiot!" She looked at the sea, then to the side, "let's go."  
  
"Go?" Shinji was incredulous, "go where? I thought…I thought you…"  
  
"Oh, you thought that I would disappear, too huh?" Asuka dropped Shinji's arm. She was pouting, but her eyes were smiling, "well, then, Mr. Idiot, how about I leave you here with yourself, and you can go back to your Instrumentality world, and be happy by yourself?" She said while mockingly angry, "goodbye, Shinji, I'll miss you…" she turned, and her face was cracking into a huge grin. "Oomph!" She said as Shinji ran into her and held her waist from behind.  
  
"Wherever you are going, I am going with you." He said firmly. "You can't leave me here by myself."  
  
Asuka sighed, "I guess I am stuck with this idiot." Then she laughed. The morning sun had come up and made the ruins of Tokyo-3 bright and shiny, and the sea was sparkling like it was filled with crystals.  
  
"Well, let's go then, Mr. Idiot." Asuka said with a bright smile.  
  
"Where to?" Shinji asked.  
  
"Wherever life will be." Asuka whispered.  
  
The two of them laughed and argued, as they ran far, far down the beach. The sun was shining brightly, and the wind softly blown across the beach, which was littered with debris, garbage, and articles of clothing, among other things. Shinji paused, and took a moment to soak in the air, the sun, the wind, and Asuka's scent. He beamed.  
  
"Congratulations, Ikari Shinji-kun." Shinji whispered.  
  
They started running again, further and further down the beach. They became small dots in the distance as their bodies started to disappear into the horizon, and finally, they disappeared from the view. 


End file.
